


Hold On

by amayakumiko, robinasnyder



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, M/M, based on Carry On by TamrynEradani
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-13
Updated: 2014-10-08
Packaged: 2018-02-13 00:48:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 26,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2130780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amayakumiko/pseuds/amayakumiko, https://archiveofourown.org/users/robinasnyder/pseuds/robinasnyder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel has the worst luck in the world. He must have seriously pissed off someone in a previous life. What else could explain his painful attraction to his new employee, AKA: Samandriel, AKA: the dick who broke baby Castiel's heart into a million pieces so bad that Castiel would rather pay for a lover then try dating again, AKA: the little shit who's probably working for Michael. And Gabriel is head over heels for the bastard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

It really wasn't Samandriel's choice to go back to this, but he was pretty desperate at this point. It's not like he could just ask his brothers for help either. He'd been the fool who wanted to go into art anyway.

He shifted a little, waiting for the man at the door to let him in. Casa Erotica had two levels. The first was a club, equipped with stripper poles and everything. Samandriel glanced up at the mirrors on the ceiling and almost had to mourn the perfectly waste space. Not that anyone would be able to see a mural on the ceiling once the lights went down. And no one would care either. Still a part of him really wanted to use glow in the dark paint or something.

The man at the door nodded and used his card to open the door, and handed Samandriel back his ID. Samandriel swallowed a bit nervously and walked past the man through the door. You only got back by invitation. He’d only gotten an interview to this place by sheer luck and one good connection. And with all that the woman he’d spoken with had assured him that this was probably just a formality, he was still nervous.

It wasn’t exactly like a real job even. Well it was a job, but not something would consider a job. Still, he'd dressed up in khakis and a polo and brought a resume for them to put on file so it could all at least look legitimate.

He was instructed to go down the stairs. The first thing would be offices, and the first one would be Gabriel. Samandriel did as he was told. It was eerily quiet, and no one was really out that he could see. That didn’t really bode well for the hours he wanted. Or it meant that the club was very well insulated. Well, people probably didn’t want to hear other getting off as well.

He couldn't believe that he was 26 and back to doing this.

He knocked lightly on the open office door. "Sir? I'm here for the two o'clock appointment."

"Come on in, two o'clock."

Gabriel clicked away from the camera that was trained on the kid and opened up an innocuous word document. Not that the kid was going to come around his desk and look, but just in case. On camera, he was a good looking kid. He had potential to satisfy a lot of different clients. Now he wanted to see that pretty face up close.

He picked up a sucker from the jar on his desk, unwrapped it and popped it in his mouth.

The kid was cute, blonde hair blue eyed, a little old for a twink, and a little tall, but his shy, nervous manner would draw in clients easily.

"Sam Pike,” he introduced himself. Samandriel pulled on a smile that hid how nervous he was. He stood in front of the desk and offered the man a manila envelope with his resume in it. "The woman I spoke with said I should bring this."

It wasn't very thick, he had his schooling and stuff and the odd jobs he'd had over the years. None of that mattered when it came to this job, but he still made sure his resume looked as clean and neat and professional as possible. It might make looking for a different job later easier. It at least gave him something to do the night before that helped him to not be so nervous.

Gabriel took the folder, but he didn't look at it. He put it on the desk and leaned back in his chair, twirling the lollipop stick between his fingers. He glanced past it to his potential new employee.

The kid was gorgeous, honestly. He had a sweetness to him that Gabriel wanted to see at his feet looking up at him

"Sammy." He drawled. "You're a sub right? Turn for me."

Samandriel did as he was told, turning slowly once so that Gabriel could get a good look at him. Then he stood still, his hands behind his back and his head bowed a little, assuming his submissive standing position.

He was oh so pretty. Gabriel hoped the boy needed training. Gabriel grinned at him, not that he could see it, and nodded.

"Sit. Tell me about what kind of subbing you've done before," Gabriel instructed a little sharply, just to test the kid. Sam Pike dropped into the seat in one quick motion. Gabriel hummed with approval. The kid was good at not moving any more than he had to that. That was good.

Once Samandriel had sat down, he glanced up for a moment at Gabriel before looking down again. Gabriel was practically sprawled across his chair and he had a grin on his face like he’d found a yummy snack. Samandriel refused to think about if that was a good or bad thing yet.

"I... I had someone who trained me. I was with him for about a year before we broke it off. And I did a few odd jobs for about a year after that. And then a few times this year to make ends meet. Nothing too intense, but I'm willing to do whatever you'll give me, sir." He'd survive. He could survive anything. But he was desperate.

Gabriel sniffed, a little miffed that he might not need to train the kid. He popped the lollipop back into his mouth. Then he leaned forward finally opened up the file in front of him. He paused at the name, not believing his shitty shitty, shitty luck. Samandriel Pike. At least he knew that the kid had been trained well. 

He leaned back in his chair again and popped the sucker out. Was this a trick from Michael? If it was he wasn't going to fucking fall for it. He'd take the kid in and give him the shitty assignments the top tier subs didn't want.

"Hard limits, soft limits?" Gabriel gestured at the resume. "This isn't a McDonald's kid. The fact you can fry a wiener doesn't tell me jack shit about if you'll get pissed on or not."

"Hard limits: permanent marks, Scat, breath play, and marks that can be seen outside of tee shirts and pants. Soft limits are full body bind suits and masks," Samandriel listed. Well, those are the ones that he knew about.

Samandriel kept his head down. Something had changed. He guessed he hadn't been so good about his resume as he should have been. Oh well.

"About hours... I can't work past five on weekends or before eight. And I'm available from nine to seven on Sundays." This wasn't up for negotiation. He couldn't be flexible on that point.

"Can't?" Gabriel pursed his lips, considering. He thought about telling the kid those hours were impossible, but his curiosity, or maybe his anger overrode that. "I can work with that."

Gabriel still wanted to give the kid a spin but he resisted. He'd have someone else do that.

"Show up tomorrow at one and we'll give you a test run with a client. No genital contact until your tests come back clean.”

Gabriel looked back down at the file, willing the name to change to something else, but it didn’t. It stayed exactly the same. So Gabriel pressed on.

“All the client rooms are fitted with video and audio recording equipment. This is for your safety. We have one person manning each room’s surveillance, listening for your safeword and watching to see if things are going south.

If things get a little hot and heavy, you can shut the cameras off, but not the audio. That is not recommended, by the way. Nobody is getting off to this and everything is destroyed at the end of the week." He popped the lollipop into his mouth. "Any questions?"

"No. That sounds perfectly reasonable." Samandriel said. A test run was fine with him. He'd do his very best and try to be what the client wanted. He could prove that he could make the client happy, maybe even reverse the damage of whatever he’d done to make Gabriel’s demeanor change.

"Would you like me to pay to have testing done on my own, or is this something you provide?" Because he'd go to the free clinic and get tests, but the results would take a month or more. He really couldn't afford to pay for them, and he wasn't certain he could afford to wait.

Gabriel shook his head. "No, we've got a place that pushes em through quick. If you get in before closing today we should have your results day after tomorrow." He tossed the resume into the trash.

"How did you find us?" It was invite only. Gabriel didn’t know him. He just knew that Kali said he had a two o’clock interview today.

Samandriel jumped. Shit, he really messed up already. He thought they kept those on file. He kept his eyes down, though.

"A client recommended me. He's been very kind. He said this was a better place than what I was doing." He thought of the man. He wasn't bad. He at least wasn't cruel about anything. In the scene it was one thing, but outside of that, he generally helped Samandriel deal with his drop and seemed like a nice man.

Gabriel looked at him, his lips pursed. He was a good boy, wasn't he? He was uncomfortable, but he still was acting like a good sub, keeping his eyes averted and speaking softly. It was a shame he was working for Michael.

"I take it you were a step up from subbing in an alley?"

"Nn... not much better." Samandriel was at the end of his rope or he wouldn't be there. "Sir," he added. He stayed very still, though his nerves zinged. He needed to get this job.

"Hey, you're fine," Gabriel soothed. The kid had bypassed his bitter side and appealed straight to his caretaker side. Damn, he hated that part sometimes. "As far as I'm concerned you're as good as hired. You're a natural sub, and tomorrow will just be a formality, I'm sure."

Gabriel pulled on a kinder smile, though he absolutely hated himself for it. He slid a business card to Samandriel with a reference number on the back.

"Go to this clinic today, use the reference number, get your STD testing done. I'll see you tomorrow, okay Samandriel?"

"Just Sam, sir," he said, accepting the card. "No sane person wants to be stuck with a name like that." he added as he stood up.

“Well, I can’t disagree with you on that point,” Gabriel said. Angel names were always a mouthful, and he should know.

"I'll be here at 1." Samandriel promised. He stood but he didn’t leave. Gabriel looked at him. Samandriel didn’t fidget and waited to be dismissed. He made certain to keep his eyes down. Still, it felt like he was standing there for far too long before Gabriel said anything.

“Okay, kid, scoot,” Gabriel said. He watched Samandriel walk out, and then he watched him walk out on the camera. There was no way this was going to end well.

 

* * *

Samandriel took the bus to the clinic and went and got his blood work done as soon as his interview was over. He wanted to get it finished, not just so he could get some kind of employment, though that was a huge factor. In reality he knew he’d stress out about it if he didn’t get on the other side of it quickly. He didn't exactly like needles. They made him uneasy, the way a beer could make the children of alcoholics uneasy. But once he got there, the nurses took him back and they had his blood was drawn in no time. Then he headed home.

He didn’t sleep well that night either, again from nerves.

He arrived fifteen minutes early the next day. He wore nice jeans and a proper button up this time. He went, as he was directed, to the boss's office. He knocked and tried to actually look a little nervous. He'd been so worked up he'd actually gone numb, and he didn't want to look dead inside. Nervous seemed fine.

"I'm here, sir."

"Come in Sam-bo."

Gabriel looked up from the paperwork he had to sign and did a double take. Pretty apparently only got prettier when they got nervous.

"You're early. Feeling like a little eager beaver, are you?"

"I'd rather be early than late, especially if you needed me to do something beforehand." Samandriel explained. He knew he could do whatever it was that was needed. He knew he could do it well. He just needed to prove that he was good and he'd had an actual job. Granted, it wasn't a normal kind of job, but a paycheck was a paycheck.

"Nope. Client didn't say he wanted you to do something special. Just need to be yourself. Go ahead and take a seat, fuckers always late anyway." Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Anyway, what's your safeword?"

"Forest Hall," Samandriel said quickly, automatically. It was a phrase, but it most definitely was one he would remember and was something he could think of to snap him out of whatever headspace he was in.  
Gabriel nodded and sent it to the room watchers. He motioned toward the chair and Samandriel sat down, settling his hands in his lap. He didn't know if he should act like a sub with Gabriel too, or what, so he kept his eyes down.

"Is there anything I should know about the client?"

"Nothing to special. He's pretty vanilla actually. He likes a little bit of impact play, a little bit of bondage. Sometimes when he's feeling frisky he'll pull out a blindfold, but that’s about it. None of those are on your hard or soft stops so I figured he'd be alright."

"It should be fine." Samandriel agreed. He felt perfectly fine. Well, he felt basically nothing at that moment, but fine was close enough. He did turn his head a bit when he heard a knock on the door.

“Ah, the client’s here. Follow Chad, he’ll take you to your room,” Gabriel said.

“Yes, sir,” Samandriel said, standing up and following Chad out. The client was already in room. Chad told him that normally Samandriel would lead the client down to his room, but since Samandriel has no clue where to go this time, the client had already been led to the room.

It's easy enough. There was no direct touching. Samandriel was blind folded and had ear plugs, and he knelt and let the man use a crop on his back and shoulders. He was told to not make a sound and stay still or the smacks would get harder. Samandriel staid very still and very silent and the client was able to get himself off with his hand and watching Samandriel.

When the scene ended and Samandriel could remove the plugs and blindfold and plugs the man told him that he'd like to see him again. Samandriel pulled out his million watt smiles and said that he'd like to have him again, maybe a little more touching next time. Samandriel actually earned a tip from that.

After that he washed himself in the little attached bathroom very quickly before he redressed before he went to see Gabriel to talk about his performance and if there was something he needed to work on.

Gabriel sat back in his chair, popped some popcorn, and watched Samandriel's session. He was amazing. He knelt smoothly and took the blows like they were nothing, and had the client eating out of his hand. Something was eating at Gabriel though, and he wasn't sure it was just the whole double agent for Michael thing.

"Hey kiddo. Good session?"

"Yes. I assumed you watch. Will you tell me what I need to work on?" Samandriel needed to know if there was something he should be doing instead. He was about to be a professional, so he should act like it.

He was starting to thaw out too, which meant he was actually starting to feel a little nervous. He tried to think back over his session and he wondered if he had messed anything up. The client seemed happy, anyway.

"Mmhmm. I dunno kiddo. You followed instructions, took a lickin' and kept on ticking, played to the client. You checked all the boxes." He leaned back and pursed his lips. He snapped when he figured out what was eating at him. "You like the session kid?"

"No. I hate doing this." Samandriel said with absolute honesty.

And that's what was missing. That was disappointing, honestly. All that beautiful obedience, all a lie.

"There's nothing you like about being a sub?"

"I like not being hungry. I like not being late for my bills. I like having a place to sleep." Samandriel said. He'd enjoyed a little... once, but that fell apart. It was just a way to keep living now.

Gabriel shook his head a little sadly. "Hmm. No shame in playing the game I guess. You did fine with the client, as far as I'm concerned you're hired. Show up tomorrow around ten. Your tests should be in by then and you can earn a bit more in tips."

"Yes, sir." Samandriel gave a little bow and took his leave. His back stung and he needed a warm shower before he'd feel like a human again.


	2. Chapter 2

Samandriel showed up early, again dressed in jeans, and a good button up. He went to see Gabriel, wondering if he'd be given a room or if they'd have him move around because he was new.

"Good morning, sir." he said, pausing when he saw a woman in the room. When she laughed he realized it was the one he'd spoken with.

"Gabriel, what are you doing? Since when do you make any of us call you sir?" Kali asked. She was management now, but she used to work the rooms.

"Aww, don't ruin my fun Kali. Doesn't he sound pretty saying 'Sir' like he means it?" Gabriel’s smile was easy and wide behind his feet that were perched up on his desk and he was leaned back in his chair. His hair was still damp from his quickie shower that morning, slicked back and smooth. 

"Kali, Sam. Sam, Kali. He's a new recruit, she's a war hardened general. Go ahead, shake hands."

"It's good to meet you in person." Samandriel said, smiling and becoming warm and friendly and very open in a way that he'd never been around Gabriel.

"Good to meet you too. You really are a pretty boy, aren't you?" Kali shook his hand, and looked him up and down. It was an assessing look, professional in a way that Gabriel’s looks really weren’t. Samandriel relaxed a little more.

"That's what I've been told," Samandriel said. "I have a question. I was told that you need a resume for your records."

"Yes, we still do, you should bring one the next time you come," Kali said.

"Was the last one not satisfactory? Is there a way I should change it?"

"Gabriel." Kali said, looking back at her employer. "What did you do?"

"Whaaaat? I didn't do anything!" Gabriel whined. Honestly, he was a little jealous how the kid opened up to her, but he pushed the feeling aside and blinked at her, wide eyed and innocent.

"We'll have words." she promised and then looked at Samandriel. "E-mail it to me. Don't let Gabriel frighten you." she told him.

"Thank you." Samandriel said. He hadn't been looking forward to having to scrounge for more change to go to Kinko's.

"Okay, follow me, I'll show you your room and get you your client list," Kali said. “We’re going to put you with a few regulars who are open to trying new faces.”

"Thank you." Samandriel said with an easy smile. He glanced at Gabriel. "Have a good day, sir." His tone suggested that he really was not actually happy with Gabriel, but not so much to be insubordinate. Mostly he just sounded disappointed.

"See, you ruined the 'Sir', Kali. I could have pretended I run this place with a 'Sir like that,” Gabriel called as Kali clicked away. He gave Samandriel a tight lipped smile and shoo'd him away. "See you around kiddo."

 

* * *

Samandriel was exhausted after his first day. He knew it probably wasn't uncommon for the new guys to get the worst customers. But he'd been lulled into a false sense of security by the first client. These others were... Well, they weren't mean, exactly, but they were just shy of it, and he'd have actual bruises on his back.

He showered off quickly after his last client and dressed and went to speak to Gabriel before he left.

"Sir," there was still that tone of disappointment. "Do you need me to come in at a different time tomorrow?"

"Nope. I think ten to five's gonna be your thing. And drop the Sir thing. Kali's right, no one calls me Sir."

"No. You wanted me to call you that, and you're stuck with it," Samandriel said with a smirk. He ducked out and went home before Gabriel could call him back and try to make him stop it. Getting Gabriel back a little made him feel good.

Gabriel chucked, amused by the kids balls. Even knowing he was a backstabbing liar, Gabriel was staring to like him.

He never said he had good taste.

 

* * *

About a week later Kali came by with a problem. There was a client who'd been passed around too much because he seemed to have a problem stopping immediately when someone said a safe word. He didn't really push too far past that, but he'd been making everyone uncomfortable.

"But he is worth a lot of money." Kali finished her report. They'd have to throw him out, that was the only solution she could see.

"Hmm." Gabriel looked at the guys limits and looked up at Kali. “Try the new kid. Sam. If he still fucks it up charge him and escort him off the premises."

"If you're certain." she said, but she didn't sound pleased. Samandriel had gotten all the shitty clients, the bad tippers, the ones who smelled bad, or worked the staff too hard. Samandriel hadn't said a word, or smiled any less. But this was not a good guy.

She put him on Samandriel's roster and waited for disaster.

It was surprising when a month later, the guy was still around. She went to investigate.

"You've got to have a talk with him," Kali said, pulling up video from the previous week's session between Samandriel and the guy. "You see this? That's what he did with Ava that made her say she'd never let that guy touch her again. According to the guy on monitor duty, the client is every bit as bad with Sam, but Sam just doesn't safe word. In fact he's never done it even when he's walked away with some bad bruises. You have to talk to him."

Gabriel looked confused. He leaned in toward the monitor and watched Samandriel get wailed on. His face looked fairly impassive, which was sort of impressive, but that didn’t make the rest of it okay.

"Get rid of him. Charge him five hundred for every safe word he ignored or hesitated on and an extra grand for Sam’s treatment. Pass the extra fees out to the talent. Send Sam in when he gets here."

Gabriel admittedly hadn't been giving him the best clients, but he hadn't expected him to stay all that long either. He pulled up all of Sam's sessions for the past week, and watched him get wailed on, day in and day out, and never safe word. It was a bit worrying.

He watched for a while until her heard a knock on the door and Samandriel poked his head in.

"You wished to speak with me, sir?"

Samandriel felt a little worried, admittedly, when he was told to go see Gabriel first. He hadn't even seen Gabriel for weeks. He just did his job and then went home.

"Sit down Sammy,” Gabriel said. He leaned forward onto his desk, and tried to think of a good way to start this. He paused for a moment before he decided. "What's your safe word Sam?"

"Forest Hall,” Samandriel replied automatically. But that really made him more confused. "Is something the matter, sir?" He wracked his brain to think of anything he'd done wrong, but he couldn't think of anything at all.

Gabriel rubbed his face and stood up, walking around to the front of his desk and perching on it.

"So you have one. Why don't you ever use it?" Gabriel turned his monitor around, a few choice stills from the past week still displayed. "Why didn't you safe word out of these scenes?"

"I could handle it," Samandriel said. 

Gabriel blinked. "Are you trying to punish yourself for something?"

"No." Samandriel said, blinking with confusion as well. "I've had worse, a lot worse and I get paid... and honestly I'm not seeing the problem."

"I'm seeing a big problem here. You're not letting these guys Dom you. You're letting them beat the shit out of you. There's a difference between heavy handed and abusive, and every single one of them are abusing you. Next time they hit hard enough to leave a bruise, not a welt, a bruise, Safe word."

Samandriel looked alarm. This was what he was used to working with. This was how it normally worked.... his first experiences aside. "But I don't mind. It's really not so bad," he protested.

"Do you like it? Do you like wearing their marks for days on end?" Gabriel tilted his head to the side and watched Samandriel.

"I don't like any of this, but I don't really dislike any of it more or less than some of the other things I've done. It just is what it is. This is your facility, so if you'd like me to alter what I'm doing, then I will."

"No, that isn't what it is. They're bad fucking doms, that’s what it is, but they're worse with you, partially because you let them." Gabriel made a disgusted sound, mostly at himself. He sounded like a victim blamer or some shit. "Safe word next time somebody bruises you. Teach them it’s not okay."

"I will then. Is there anything else? I need to get ready?" Samandriel needed to figure out how to tell his regulars that the rules had changed. He'd have to start all of his sessions today with a talk then.

"No, go get ready." Gabriel frowned at Samandriel as he left. The kid confused the shit out of him.

Samandriel got up and slipped out. Gabriel stared at the open door for a moment before Kali appeared in the doorway.

"Well, that's all taken care of," Kali said, her heals clicking as she strode into Gabriel's office. "The bastard paid up rather than risk litigation. How did your discussion go?"

"Shitty. He's gonna safe word from now on, but not because he thinks he needs to, but because I told him to,” Gabriel crossed his arms and looked at her. "I don't know what to do with that. I almost want to pull him."

"Well, on one hand, the boy does everything you tell him to, without problem. So you can hope that he'll keep following your instructions. Or you can fire him. Or you can start giving him the type of people who won't beat him. It's not lost on me that whenever one of our others have complained about a client you've moved them to Sam." she didn't sound happy.

Gabriel gave her a cross look. "Don't start. The kid hates subbing anyway. He's just doing it for the money and talks a good talk while he's with the clients."

"If you have a personal problem with him, maybe you shouldn't be in charge of who gets assigned to him. He's a good kid. He's polite. He's on time. He does his job. We have plenty of other people who just do this for money and who would run screaming for the hill if they had to put up with all the clients he's been dealing with. I don't know what your problem is, but you need to deal with it," she said before angrily clicking out of the room.

Gabriel waited until she was gone and then chucked his pencil cup across the room where it crashed against the wall, flinging pens everywhere. He sat there seething for about two seconds before he got up. He went over and crawled along the floor picking up his mess.

He hated this. The kid was getting to him. He was punishing him for something that was over and done with. No, he was punishing him for being attractive and making Gabriel lose his mind. 

He wanted Samandriel to be his and he would never let that happen for three reasons. One: Michael, Two: Castiel, Three: he wasn't a sub- he was a practically perfect facsimile of one, and it was infuriating to say the least. Watching those videos was a frustrating reminder. The kid was good, really good. But he didn’t like what he did.

And who would like it if they got the shit beat out of them over and over again like that?

He put the pencil holder on the desk and started to adjust schedules. So starting next week, Samandriel would have kinder doms, good doms, along with some of the heavier handed bros he had been used to. Some couldn't be placed with the rest of the talent and had to be kicked. He felt really shitty about those. He was worse than a fucking bad dom.


	3. Chapter 3

Samandriel noticed the shift in his lineup, but he didn't say anything. He just let it happen. He didn't like any of it, but it was paying the bills. About two weeks into his new schedule a problem came up.

Normally he was perfect, but in one day he had three separate complaints against him for not staying in the scene. And two of them weren't even from the harder doms.

The next day he didn't come into work at all, and didn't call in until 11.

"Sir? Gabriel... uh, I can't come in today." Samandriel said over the phone. There was the sound of coughing in the background, but it definitely wasn't from Samandriel. It sounded too young. "Shhh, shhh, baby, it'll be okay." Samandriel said so gently, but not to Gabriel. "I have to go to the hospital. I can't be there today. I'm sorry I didn't call sooner." There was a whimpering sound and Samandriel made a soothing, shushing noise.

Gabriel turned his head into the phone and listened, intrigued and confused. "It’s okay, sounds like there's someone more important that needs you. Do you need anything? A ride or something?" This was a fucking terrible idea, but he wanted to know damn it.

"I... yeah, I really don't want to take the bus," Samandriel said. He listed his address, even though he knew it was on record. It was a not so great set of brownstone apartments not very far away.

Gabriel went right over to the apartments, sticking out like a sore thumb in his nice suit and high end car. He knocked on what he hoped was the right door and waited for an answer.

Samandriel opened the door. He had a bag over his shoulder and a little five year old light skinned black girl curled up in his arms, coughing hard enough that it shook through her whole body. Samandriel handed Gabriel a set of keys. "Can you lock the door, please?" he sort of had his hands full. He rocked the little girl and patted her back. She clung to him and buried her face in his neck.

"Master door locker at work," Gabriel quipped as he locked the door. He led them to his car and unlocked it, opening the back door for Samandriel. "You got a hospital in mind Kid?"

"The free clinic." Samandriel said quietly, blushing a bit. He wished he could do better for his baby, but he really couldn't. She had a fever of a hundred and three and she was coughing like crazy and the best he could do was get them a ride to the clinic and hope to get adequate care.

Samandriel buckled in and buckled his baby in so she could lean against him. He took off his jacket and spread it over her to help her stay warm. She snuggled against his side and he leaned over to hug her. When he straightened up her still kept his arm around her, rubbing her arm for comfort. He wasn’t completely certain whose comfort it was for, though.

It burned Gabriel to drive her there. She was a pretty little thing with a terrible cough, and she deserved better than an overworked understaffed clinic, but he did it anyway. It wasn’t exactly close, but it wasn’t like the traffic was bad. He parked and said a prayer for his car, then followed Samandriel inside. He moved so he could see her face, and smiled at her.

"What's your name sweetheart?"

"Johanna." she said in a quiet voice.

"It's okay baby, you don't have to talk." Samandriel said, walking to the front desk.

"Not again." nurse said sadly.

"She coughed blood this morning... Please, I don't just think it's the flu."

"Alright, Mr. Pike, go fill out these forms and we'll call you when the doctor is available."

Samandriel nodded and took the board he was handed, trying to juggle it and carry Johanna over to one of the chairs in the waiting room. It was filled with people. Cold and flu season had kicked in and the weather was changing.

“You got two choices,” Gabriel said, taking the board from Samandriel’s hands. “You can either dictate to me and I’ll fill out the forms. Or you can hand me Johanna and you can fill it out yourself.” He leaned against the wall next to Samandriel and looked at the forms. 

"I'll dictate." Samandriel said. He rubbed her back as they sat and she coughed into his shoulder, sounding perfectly miserable. “I don't think she wants to move right now anyway.” She shook her head and he kissed the top of her head, cradling her close.

“I take it her mom couldn’t take her today?” Gabriel said nonchalantly, still flipping through the pages.

"She's my baby," Samandriel said. He looked down at Johanna and then glanced over at Gabriel. "Thank you, by the way." Samandriel said and then starting to dictate for the forms. He was really thankful that he didn't have to try and write it all down.

"No problem,” Gabriel saw how he smoothly Samandriel did not answer that inquiry but he let it slide.

He listened while Samandriel talked, and he filled out the paperwork as clearly as he could. When he was done he handed the paperwork back to the nurse and wandered back to Samandriel and Johanna.

"She sick a lot?"

"No, normally she's fine, but she got sick over the weekend and on Sunday evening they said it was the flu... and so my brother's girlfriend stayed with her yesterday, but around 9:30 she started coughing terribly. I'm afraid she might have pneumonia.” He didn't know how he'd be able to afford it, but he'd figure it out somehow.

“You think she got it from some kid at school?” Gabriel asked. “I mean, is she enrolled anywhere?”

"Yeah... Cassie's mom got her set up with school these past few years." He swallowed thickly. "Joey is in kindergarten and loves it."

"I'll bet she does. Bet she's top of her class too." Gabriel smiled softly at Joey, chuckling as she turned her head into Sam's neck. "What's her favorite subject?"

"Math." Joey said softly.

"She likes talking, but her throat hurts," Samandriel explained.

"I gotcha girlie." Gabriel leaned back against the wall, crossing one leg over the other. "I'll just grill your Pops, give your voice a rest." He winked at her, and was very pleased when she smiled at him a little bit before she buried her face back into her dad’s shoulder. Then Gabriel focused on Sam. 

"She's good with numbers. My brother's girlfriend has been tutoring her. She's teaching her subtraction way before the rest of the class." A class that was mostly just adding.

"You've got brothers?"

"I'm a triplet. So there's Alfie and Matt," Samandriel explained. "Alfie's getting married in the spring, and Matt's girl is amazing, all the crappy women he brought home and he finally picks up a hot scientist." He sounded proud of his family.

“What about you? You have any siblings?” Samandriel asked.

Gabriel laughed. "I've got a few too." His smile faded and turned into a frown. "Don't talk to them much anymore."

"That's sad,” Samandriel said. He relaxed when he felt Joey drift off to sleep. He knew she'd wake up in a coughing fit soon, but she had peace for a moment. "I'm very close with my brothers. We've been close since forever. And they're doing really well right now." he rubbed Joey's back and hummed a little. "Do your brothers live far away?"

Gabriel shrugged. "Depends on the sibling. Most of 'em wouldn't talk to me if I ran into them on the street. I've got a couple that are okay though."

"That's nice... I hope you can talk with them more, or something. I understand the difference between good and bad family." He got a look on his face that was very serious. Then his eyes snapped up.

A woman had gotten up and turned the tv up. It was E, and they were doing a report on the Milton family, especially Michael, and showing an interview they did with him. Samandriel's eyes lingered on Michael and his expression was unreadable before he looked down at his baby. He continued to rub her back slowly.

Gabriel wrinkled his nose at the tv, then looked at Samandriel, watching him. He didn't know what he was looking for, but he didn't find it.

"He's a pompous ass, isn't he?"

"Yeah... you know I met him once. He's kind of a horrible human being," Samandriel said. He would have shrugged but he was afraid he'd wake the baby.

Gabriel let out a bitter laugh. "I doubt you know the half of it." He was still pissed Samandriel took that job from Michael, but at least the kid wasn't charmed by him. That raised him a little higher in his books.

“I mean, his brother built a whole media empire just to spite him,” Samandriel said and shrugged. “You sort of have to suck to make someone that mad.”

"Yeah," Gabriel muttered as he shoved his hands in his pockets. "Be right back." 

He knew he was too short to reach the tv, so he went to reception and asked for the remote. He changed it, stopping on something else; he didn't give a fuck what, just as long as it wasn't about the Miltons.

One of the women complained, but no one else did. Samandriel was personally grateful that the tv was off. He didn't want to think about Michael if he didn't have to.

"Thanks." he said with a little smile when Gabriel came back.

"No problem,” Gabriel gave him a tight lipped smile. He looked down at Joey, and it softened.

Samandriel wondered if Gabriel had met Michael before. He didn't seem to like him very much. "To answer your earlier question, she is my daughter. Her mother died in a hit and run about a year and a half ago. I just don't like talking about it in front of Joey is all."

"Figured it was either something like that or you thought it was none of my business." Gabriel gave him a wry smile. "I'm sorry to hear that. Must have been hard for you to lose your girl like that."

"Yeah... I loved Cassie very much. She was a journalist. She was driven, brilliant, beautiful, amazing. She did a lot of in depth investigations. She had a lot of integrity... I was always afraid she'd get on the wrong side of the mob or something, not a drunk driver."

"Her last name Pike? Did the guy get put in Jail?" He wanted to see some of her work. He was a bit of a masochist like that.

"No. Robinson. We weren't married. We were talking about it, but she wasn't certain. They did catch the guys really, really easily, but that doesn't make it easier." He looked down and sighed heavily.

"Sorry. I'll shut up now.” Gabriel adjusted his stance against the wall and looked at the time. "How longs the wait at this place?"

"An hour... maybe more when it's this swamped. You don't have to stay. I know you have work to do. Honestly, I'm so grateful to you for helping me get here. Public transit and walking would have been a nightmare."

"No. I'll stay. You guys gotta get to the pharmacy and then get home. It’s not gonna be any easier without a car later."

"Thank you... seriously, thank you." Samandriel couldn't have sounded more grateful. "Though... I'm... you don't like me. I don't know why you'd bother."

"Would I go through all this for somebody I don't like? Let me tell you the answer: no."

"I'm not stupid. I asked questions. The others told me you really normally give the new guys easy cases. It's because I'm not... because I don't like it. That offends you. And I'm fine with that. But please don't lie to me. I'm not an idiot." he said, hugging Joey to him a little closer.

"Look, kid. It wasn't cause you don't like it. It's cause I'm a vengeful bastard. I'm sorry." Gabriel pursed his lips and looked at Samandriel deciding if he should tell him the truth. Mustering up a large amount of "fuck it, why not?” he decided give up the game. 

"It’s about Castiel Milton."

Samandriel looked rather pale. "How do you know about that? No, screw that, why in hell do you care?"

"He's a client, and he's my friend and you almost destroyed him."Gabriel shifted his position a little and crossed his arms over his chest. He looked at Samandriel closely, still looking for something- guilt, remorse. Something. 

Samandriel looked away. He was so, so very angry. "You're a complete bastard," he said quietly. But he didn't leave, or say he'd quit or tell Gabriel to go. At that moment he needed him far too much.

"Preachin' to the choir there Samandriel. Preaching to the choir."

"Mr. Pike," a nurse said, coming over. "Um, I spoke with the doctor. He said to take her back and give her an x-ray."

"Okay." Samandriel said, knowing that x-rays weren't really covered in the free part of the clinic; a lot of stuff was, but no x-rays or MRI.

"Sounds pretty serious. Go on, take your girl and see what's up," Gabriel said. Samandriel gave him a look, hard and unhappy, but he stood and took Joey back, leaving his bag back with Gabriel.

Once Samandriel and Joey went on back with the nurse Gabriel stepped up front and set it up for him to be charged for every test and x-ray that day.

Samandriel took her back and talked to her while they did the x-ray. She was grumpy when they came back, and coughing baldly again. Samandriel held a tissue to her mouth because she was bringing up green stuff and blood. He sat down, wiping her mouth while she whimpered.

Gabriel had found a chair by then, and was playing a game on his phone. He caught a glimpse of the tissue and made a face.

"Ugh. Gross stuff kiddo."

"Shut up," Samandriel said.

"Not nice, daddy," Joey said quietly

"Okay, sorry," Samandriel said, but he said it a bit grudgingly.

Gabriel laughed openly and ruffled her head gently. "No, it’s okay kiddo. I'd rather he be honest, even if those honest words aren't very nice."

"Should be nice," she said quietly.

"I'll be nice baby, I promise," Samandriel murmured. She started to cough and he put the tissue to her mouth again. She was coughing with her whole body and it sounded painful.

"Hmm.” Gabriel frowned. The poor thing sounded miserable. "Did they say how long it'd be before they get the x-rays looked at?"

"It's gonna be a bit. They need to get it developed and they're really backed up today." The place was really full too. Samandriel looked around with a really pained look on his face. How was it that this was all he could provide his child? Why couldn't he do better than this?

"Hey. Get that grumpy look off your face mister." Gabriel gently slapped at Samandriel’s thigh. "You get the day off, you get to spend it with your daughter and with your boss! What could be better than that?" Gabriel grinned at him, wide and beaming and ridiculously perky.

A boss who hated him and for whatever reason knew about the worst thing that he'd ever done. His baby was badly sick, and Samandriel was certain she needed a hospital stay the hospital couldn't provide and he couldn't afford anyway. It wasn't the worst day ever, but he felt suddenly so low it felt hard to breathe.

Gabriel's smile fell away and he sat up a bit. He put his hand on Samandriel’s shoulder, and squeezed gently.

"Hey, Sam. You're looking kind of pale there Kid. I need you to breathe for me okay. Deep ones. You got it?"

"I'm okay," Samandriel said. He looked at the scared expression on Joey's face and pulled on a little smile. He was good at smiling when he didn't feel it. "I'm fine, really. You what Mr. Bear?"

Joey looked tempted but shook her head. "He'll get sick too."

Gabriel frowned at Samandriel, but let it go and slid his hand off his shoulder. He turned his look to Joey and gave her a smile.

"Au contraire Mademoiselle. I know for a fact that Teddy Bears are equipped with a magical spell that protects them from their favorite kid’s germs. He'll be just fine if you give him a cuddle."

"Really?" She asked her daddy, sounding hopeful. Samandriel nodded and reached into the bag and got out a bear. It had a little pin striped suit on and shoes and a briefcase, and was the type with rotating arms and head so it wasn't really cuddly as solid. But Joey hugged it tight. Samandriel covered her mouth when she started to cough again, and she faced away from Mr. Bear.

"Mr. Bear is a very sharp dresser. He must be a V.I.B.; A Very Important Bear, with a Big Bear job in Big Bear City, right?" Gabriel asked, smiling softly.

He dug around in his pocket and came out with a pink post it, and fashioned it into a little sticky pocket square. He pushed it onto the bear’s breast pocket and smiled when it stuck.

"There. Now he's all Dapper, like a V.I.B. should."

"Joey, what do we say?" Samandriel asked, positively charmed. Joey grinned and buried her face into her daddy's chest before she peaked at Gabriel.

"Thank you, sir." she said, quiet from shy and not a sore throat this time.

"You're welcome sweetheart. But call me Gabe, please. I'm only Sir on my weekends." He grinned and winked at Samandriel before leaning back in his chair.

"Thank you, Mr. Gabriel" she said with a sweet smile, which made her look very much like her daddy.

She played quietly in Samandriel's lap after that. He tended to her coughing, sending Gabriel to fetch water for her at one point. About an hour later someone came to get them.

They just sat in the exam room for a long while, probably a half hour or more before the doctor came in. He threw two x-rays up on the light board.

"This x-ray here on the right is the lungs of a normal, healthy child. This other one on the left is Johanna's. She has extensive fluid buildup in her lungs. She has pneumonia and it's already had too many days to build up. Unfortunately, we're not equipped to handle this here. We can prescribe medication... but I'm afraid if you can't take her to another hospital that this will move very fast... and it's likely she might not make it a week." The doctor spoke with a very grave tone.

"Wow your bedside manner is the most shitty thing I have ever experienced.... I'm gonna say in my life,” Gabriel said with a disgusted tone. He looked at the doctor like he was dog shit he had just stepped in. "If you had done your job right the first time they were here, on Friday, you could have prescribed her the right medicine then, instead of worrying them both to death."

"We don't have the resources, nor the time. It's unfortunate how much slip through the cracks because of that. And honestly, if they're here, then that means that that they didn't have the resources to go to another hospital to begin with. Given that fact, it is better to be blunt about Mr. Pike's choices," the doctor said.

"Gabriel, please." Samandriel said quietly. He sounded defeated. He couldn't afford the hospital. They probably wouldn't even take Joey if he took her. Or they'd only just keep her alive, not be able to actively help her get better because her father couldn't pay for anything. He hugged Joey close who looked really confused and was upset because her daddy was upset.

"That's not how a good doctor treats his patients and you and I both know it. You're just a shitty doctor, and you're blaming their income level on your failure,” Gabriel snapped. He picked up Samandriel's bag and hustled them out the door "We're going to Riley."

Gabriel didn't say anything else on the way out to the car, barely containing his anger.

Samandriel followed Gabriel out. He knew he couldn't afford Riley, it was the best children’s hospital in the state. He guessed that Gabriel was going to give him a loan. He was quiet when they got in the car, still terrified. Pneumonia was a serious, dangerous thing and he was scared. He was scared for his baby. He kept her close even after they were buckled in.

Gabriel drove quickie through the town and dropped them off at the emergency room entrance. He did a couple of rounds through the parking garage to calm himself down a bit then parked and headed towards the hospital.

By the time Gabriel came in, Samandriel had gotten them signed in. Johanna had started coughing and they took her right back. Gabriel was escorted back to their room, as Samandriel had also told them if Gabriel came back to bring him back to see them.

Samandriel was trying to fill out the paperwork while the nurses worked on getting Joey set up in a bed when Gabriel found them. He was grateful and held Joey's hand while she hugged Mr. Bear.

Gabriel plucked the clipboard from Sam’s hands just like he had before, filling out a lot of the information by memory.

"How you doing there sweetheart?" He looked at Joey and smiled at her over his clipboard. He crossed his eyes as he did so, trying to get that scared look off her face.

Joey giggled a little. She still looked scared from when they had to put the IV in her arm. Samandriel had held her other hand and had her look at him and he sang to her while they did it. She’d still cried and he still told her how brave she was and wiped her tears.

A nurse came to get the forms. "Sir, you didn't put down anything for insurance."

Gabriel smoothly stepped up to the nurse and smiled "Because I'm his insurance. What financial paperwork needs to be filled out?"

The nurse looked a little concerned, but she got Gabriel the paperwork he needed. When he came back Samandriel gave Gabriel a tired smile. "Can you sit with Joey for a bit? I need to call Alfie and Matt."

"Of course." He propped his feet up on the bed and started to make a little hand puppet show for Joey. He talked about the brave little girl who was climbing up a mountain. It didn't make much sense, but it made her smile , so he counted it as a win.

Samandriel made his calls and came back within fifteen minutes. He sat back down. "I told them not to come tonight, but they'll come tomorrow, they said. I saw one of the nurses and she said to expect to be here a few days."

"I'm sure Jo-Jo would like to see her Uncle's, wouldn't you Jo?" Gabriel moved his hand in time with his words and used a high pitched British accent. "Left-tenant Lou, and Regent Right. They're defending Princess Jo as she Climbs up the mountain of Pnu,” he explained in his regular voice.

Joey nodded and smiled softly. She really wasn't looking good. Even though she was on IV drips now, she'd had to wait so long. She was still coughing too. But she could still play along with Gabriel’s game for a while.

She started coughing badly at one point, and she started crashing. Gabriel and Samandriel were rushed out of the room. Samandriel started to shake so hard. He looked like he might shake apart.

Gabriel hesitated, but wrapped his arms around Sam and started rub to his back, trying to get him to calm down. "Hey. You've got a strong girl there. She's gonna pull through this, with an awesome story to tell when she's twenty. It’s gonna be okay."

"What if I lose them both?" Samandriel asked in barely a whisper but didn't say anything else. He let Gabriel hold him and barely moved until a doctor came and found them.

"She's stable," the doctor started with. "We're going to do a few tests and try to drain some of the excess fluid from the lungs. I got the scans from the clinic. They aren't good, but honestly most kids with that much fluid in their lungs would have crashed a long time ago. You have a very strong little girl, and she has a very good chance of pulling through."

"Can I see her?" Samandriel asked quietly.

"Not yet. We put her under a general anesthetic for the moment so we can drain some of the fluid. A nurse will come get you when you can go back in."

Gabriel smiled up at Samandriel and started to rub his back again. "See, just like I said. Plus this is one of the best Hospitals in the state. They're going to do everything they can to get her better. You'll see."

Samandriel nodded numbly and pulled away. "Coffee," he said quietly and trudged down to the cafeteria to get a cup of coffee, just to have something to do. But he returned very, very quickly.

Gabriel eyed him up and down when he came back. He looked a mess, tired and wired at the same time. He needed to sleep.

"Okay." He plucked the coffee cup out of his hand and started to herd him toward the family waiting room. "Here's what you're going to do. You're going to lie down on that couch. You're going to close your eyes. Whether you go to sleep or not is your choice, but you need to rest."

"Why are you still here?" Samandriel asked. He sounded tired in his soul. "We don't need a ride home. I appreciate this... everything. I do, but you've got a job you're supposed to be at tomorrow, and you shouldn't be... here." This was going above and beyond just being a decent human being, and Gabriel didn't like him, so he didn't get it.

"Because." Gabriel didn't know at this point. He should have cut hours ago, but it never seemed like the right time. He laid Samandriel down on the couch and covered him with his suit jacket. "Because if I wasn't here, no one would be here to wake you when the doctors come."

"The doctors would come wake me." Samandriel said, but he let himself be tucked in. He really, truly needed someone to take care of him for a while, but he couldn't figure out why Gabriel was the one who was doing it.

"Hmm. Well now they don't have to, do they?"

Gabriel gently ran his hand over Samandriel’s hair in a soothing motion until he was in a soft doze. He went to a chair beside the couch and snagged the remote. He changed it to cartoons and stood watch over Samandriel as he slept.

He realized, as he was doing it, that this was one of the stupidest things he had ever done, getting invested with a straight man and his daughter. It was only gonna end in heartbreak for him, but he couldn’t stop it, even if he tried.

The nurse came to get them about an hour later. Samandriel rushed to his baby, who was asleep, and they hoped would remain asleep for a good long while. He settled into the seat next to her bed and fell asleep there.

Gabriel followed them in and watched them together. He waited until Samandriel was asleep and then he stole his house keys. He went to Samandriel's apartment and made up a little overnight bag for him, including toiletries and a couple of changes of clothes. He knew the kid wouldn't want to leave his daughter alone for long.

He found a picture of who he assumed was Cassie. Jo looked just like her. He tried to avoid snooping too much, other than that, and then dropped the overnight back off back at the hospital, before going to his own house and going to sleep.

Sam’s brothers would be there tomorrow, he wouldn't be needed anymore.


	4. Chapter 4

Samandriel didn't come back to work for a week. When finally returned he got there a half hour early and immediately went to see Gabriel.

Joey had been in the hospital for five days, and out for three. She would go back to school the beginning of the next week, and mostly she was bored, but Emerson, Alfie and Matt could each take a day off so Samandriel could get back to work.

He knocked before he came in to Gabriel's office. "Hello Sir," he said with a tiny and uncertain smile.  
"Hey Sam,” Gabriel smiled at him and gestured for him to sit down. "How's the Princess doing? Pull through okay?"

"She's fine. She's basically back to normal, and so completely bored. We got her school work so she can catch up, but she's basically bouncing off the walls." He smiled a little more. He was still exhausted, but he couldn't be out of work any longer without not being able to afford rent. The extra 1k had helped, but he really needed to get back to his job. He moved anxiously in his seat before speaking up again.

"I wanted to thank you for what you did. I promise that I will pay you, back, though I expect it might take a while, but I do intend to." 

Gabriel waved him off and shook his head. "Take your time, don't worry about interest or anything. It was an emergency, and I wasn't about to let your little girl die when she still had a chance."  
"Still, Thank you. I do apologize for being gone so long... I hope I still have a job?" that was mostly what he was so nervous about. It was one thing when his baby was sick, but now that she was okay, he wasn't certain that Gabriel wouldn't fire him for what happened with Castiel.

"It was a hard thing to convince him, but luckily I've got an in with the boss. You're still hired." Gabriel winked at him. 

Samandriel relaxed. "Thank you. In that case, I suppose I should go get ready, shouldn't I?"

"Mmhmm. Probably,” Gabriel said mildly. He pulled a box out from under his desk and slid it to Sam. Inside held a plush bunny rabbit from build a bear. "So Mr. Bear can have a friend,” he said solemnly.

Samandriel looked totally awestruck. He accepted it with nearly shaking hands. "Th-thank you," he said quietly. He smiled a bit watery, trying to keep from actually dripping tears. "She'll love it."

"No problem Sammy. She's a good girl. You've done a good job raising her."

"Thank you,” Samandriel said softly. He got up and left to go put the bunny away before his shift.

He was grateful, but he couldn't say it didn't hurt. He couldn't afford anything as nice as that rabbit. He couldn't afford good health care. He couldn't afford much at all, and he was feeling like maybe his boss was trying to rub in his face how little he deserved Johanna. Or trying to kill him with kindness over Castiel or something.

That day he was more than happy to take a beating, he needed something to ground him.

Oppositely, Gabriel had a decent day. Yeah, he was still catching up on paperwork from the day he took off, and yeah Kali was Kali, the clients were clients, and now he had a five digit hospital bill hanging over his head- but all in all- things were okay. Johanna was alive and Samandriel was still ridiculously attractive.

By the end of the day he decided to stop thinking Sam was a plant from Michael. Mostly because it was giving him heartburn, and he decided for the sake of his ulcer to just let it go. There was still the problem of straightness and not being a Sub, but he was still in a good mood after seeing him. So maybe he had made a friend instead. 

 

* * *

Two weeks later Samandriel came to see Gabriel early before his shift started. He looked nervous and a little guilty.

"Um... look, I have a favor to ask, and if you can just please, please, please not laugh when I ask I would really appreciate it."  
Gabriel chucked a lollipop wrapper into the trash and looked at Sam with a little furrow in his eyebrow. "Go ahead and shoot Sam, and I'll see what I can do."

"So...um, there's this event, a family thing, and it's because Matt got promoted and I was just not going to bring anyone, but Joey told them about you and now they want to meet you, but I couldn't tell them what I was doing because they would freak out and..." he shut up because he was rambling. "Can you please come and pretend to be my date.... oh God, why am I asking this?"

Gabriel blinked and stuck his pinky in his ear, jiggled it around a bit and looked up at Samandriel with disbelief.  
"I'm sorry, did you just ask me to be your fake boyfriend for a family dinner?"

Samandriel knew he had to be seven hundred shades of red. He buried his face in his hands. "I know, I know. I can't believe I asked that, I am so sorry. I just couldn't think of anything else."

"You're bi, and they know? Jo-Jo didn't pronounce Gabriel “Gabrielle” and they're expecting some pretty little thing, are they? 'Cause I am not dressing in drag, I do not look pretty as a women." Gabriel was fucked all to hell. This kid could ask him for both kidneys and his liver and he would say 'by when'. He only hoped the kid would never find out.

"I'm... I'd say I'm gay, because really I'm mostly attracted to men, but I think the correct term is sapiosexual. I'm attracted to smart people. Cassie was the smartest person I ever met, and generally I find the male form much more attractive... but I was all over her from the moment I laid eyes on her... plus, Alfie's fiancé is a man, and Alfie actually is bi." Samandriel said, just rambling because he was nervous. "Are... wait, are you saying yes?"

"Yes. I’m saying yes." Gabriel thought for a moment and gave him a look. "Did you just invite me to Alfie's wedding?"

“No,” Samandriel said hurriedly. “Also, um, look, when you meet Alfie and his fiancé, you’ve got to keep your comments to yourself.”

"I haven't even met the man yet, if you need to tell me to not say something, maybe he's not as good as you want to think."

"He's older than my brother." Samandriel said. "But he loves Alfie fiercely, and Alfie adores him, and he's kind to Alfie... really cares for him. But people get pissy and I don't care that I work for you, if you hurt my family I'll throw you out on your ass," he said, his eyes blazing.  
Fuck that was hot as hell. Gabriel allowed himself to look for a second before he rolled his eyes and spoke.

"Like I have a leg to stand on darling. If we're boyfriends I'm at least ten years older than you, probably more like fifteen, really. Be a bit like throwing stones in a glass house wouldn't it?"

Samandriel blushed again, and become all shy and nervous again. "If they ask, we met on my job. I told them I'm helping to paint murals with a company and the pay is pretty good. I told them you saw my work and liked it and asked me to paint something for your club... and ahh, we just went from there." he didn't mind Gabriel's job so much, it was his own. And he knew they wouldn't be ashamed, but disappointed and angry at themselves, which wasn't what he wanted.

"You're an artist?" Gabriel said, intrigued.

"You didn't read my resume at all did you?" Samandriel asked with exasperation. "I have my degree in art first thing on the page right after my name. And then I list all the painting jobs I've had. Kali even asked me to include a few picture samples for the resume a little like what I'd do if I actually was working here as a painter."

"I never read the resumes, Sammy. They never have the information I need on them." Gabriel was pulling up the digital copy of Samandriel's resume as he spoke. When the paintings actually came up, he whistled long and low.

"These are pretty good Sam. Shit, maybe I should hire you to paint a mural inside the club. Both of them."

Samandriel suddenly got really red, realizing that he'd taken a picture of the painting he'd been working on since his break up with Castiel.  
It was Castiel as an angel of vengeance, holy and righteous, burning down everything in his path. One of the wings extended out from the frame, and the half of the frame it extended out from was burnt and charred. He'd put and insane amount of work into its details, not just the blending to make the wing actually look like it came from the painting (the mix of feathers and paint in the painting and the ratio change to show it coming out, and then actually applying paint to the wing outside the frame was a huge amount of work, as was properly burning the frame so that the far side away from the wing looked totally normal and blended to charred black right under the wing) but also the detail in the background, and Castiel's face, which he'd captured in total anger, anger that was deserved and focused on the viewer of the painting.

Samandriel couldn't find a buyer for it. It wasn't the type of thing people paid the type of money he knew it deserved for. He included it with his samples because he at least wanted someone to see it, but he hadn't expected someone to know his subject.

Gabriel scrolled down to the final picture, the one of Castiel, and let out a tiny little oh sound.

"Only seen that face on him once." He commented before he clicked away from the resume and looked at Samandriel. "So."

"So?" Samandriel asked. A part of him really wanted to back down, say he was sorry about asking for anything, can we just forget this, and go back to work. Another part of him, the part that had been drawing sketches of what he wanted to paint in the club portion of Casa Erotica for months made him stay put. "Did you mean it... that you'd want me to paint for you?"

"Absolutely. Your work is beautiful Sam, and your ability to so strikingly portray emotions like you did on Cas... I've never seen that before. Name your price."

"Name-" Samandriel cut himself off and thought about it. Given the work he'd have to do and that he'd be doing it mostly alone, and that it would need to be done quickly and efficiently, he thought about it. "35 dollars a square foot is my standard. I have a few designs, they're mainly full wall designs, and I'll need to work on days and at times when you don't expect people to be there. I can do ceiling work as well, if you're interested." Samandriel listed "but that will be 39$ a square foot, because it's more dangerous and more complicated for me to do. I'll run any designs by you and want full approval before I start work, and I'll need to know if you have a specific theme in mind."

"Sounds good. I don't know which I want more, the walkway or the ceiling in the VIP area,” Gabriel said thoughtfully.

"I can bring some of the sketches I've been working on tomorrow." Samandriel said, starting to smile. "The VIP room would actually be easiest for me because you can shut it down for a few days and don't have to worry about anyone touching something and ruining it."

"VIP it is then. Bring in your ideas tomorrow and then we'll check out the ceiling and see what would work best in the space. We'll work out final price and all that later. Sound good?"

"Good. But I do need to be paid before I can start work. I have to buy the proper supplies, which I'm currently not able to afford. And I won't be getting anything from work because I'll be painting during that time period. Is that acceptable?"

"Mmhmm. Thank God this is a business purchase and not a personal one. I can get Kali to do all that paperwork with you,” Gabriel said with a grin.

Samandriel relaxed. "The party is Friday night... would you mind getting me and Joey around 6:30?"

Kali was going to kill him. Just flat out stab him with a stiletto for walking out on the club on a Friday, but fuck it. "Yeah. That works for me. Dress code?"

"Um... it's just family, so nice jeans and a nice button up is fine, but not a suit. Please." he added that on at the end because he knows his brothers will tease him forever if he brings Gabriel in a suit like he's showing him off.

"I will wear my finest top hat and tails. I swear.” Gabriel winked at him. "What the hell does your brother do anyway?"

"Matt works at a local theatre, and the old stage manager is leaving, so he's the new stage manager. He's really excited. He wants to work in New York for Broadway one day, but for now he's completely happy with this."

"Huh. What’s your other brother do? Another artist?"

"No. He's studying linguistics. He's going to be a professor when he finishes his doctorate. He should be graduating in a few years. He loves it... really loves it." Samandriel smiled, feeling a little sad. He was happy for Alfie, but it kind of hurt to know how not well his life was going at the moment, especially compared to his brothers.

"An artist, a theater geek and a word nerd,” Gabriel said with a smile. He wondered how his family would have turned out if they could have all gone their own ways for a second, then pushed it aside. "Better go get ready Sweet Cheeks."

"Thanks!" Samandriel said with a true smile before he got up and ran to go to work.

 

* * *

Samandriel came in early the next day with a few sketch pads he had with designs for Gabriel's building, along with other things.

It didn't occur to him that Gabriel might try to go through it. Mostly they were innocuous things, like his brothers playing video games, or Cassie when she was working on a piece (he still drew her a lot), or a lot of Joey doing different things, a few nude practice sketches. He drew himself from memory a lot, fully nude often just for practice.

But one of the pads was fairly old and had the millions of sketches he'd drawn of Castiel in various states of dress, often times asleep or up eating breakfast, sometimes smiling so sweetly and so happily.

The newest pad had pictures of some of his clients, a good body study. But it also had Kali, and a lot of Gabriel from the day they were at the hospital. Samandriel worked from memory, especially the angry face Gabriel gave him when he told Samandriel he knew about Castiel. Samandriel kept drawing that face. It would be on pages that had pictures of squirrels or cartoons, or dragons or Barney the dinosaur.

He didn't think Gabriel might want to look when he pulled out ten sketch pads and flipped them to the right page for the designs he was working on.

Gabriel pulled the sketch pads near and kicked his feet up on the desk. He nodded his appreciation at the designs for the ceiling, and then started to flip through, looking for more designs. He raised an eyebrow when he came across his own, stupendously angry face over and over again.

"I'm sure you could have picked a more attractive face to draw over and over again,” he muttered as he put that one down on the table and picked up the next. This one was the oldest, and he was bombarded with pictures of his brother, happy and content, and oh so very naked.

"Shit... I'm really sorry. I didn't think. I tend to just grab and draw, so I have a bunch lying around." he said, grabbing for the one with Castiel in it. He was bright red as he flipped it back to the appropriate page. "I don't think your friend would appreciate you seeing him like this." He still drew Castiel. He knew Castiel’s body so well and had drawn him so much that he just knew. Happy moments lived on unchanged on the page. That was why Samandriel drew Cassie so much. On the page she was still alive.

"He wouldn't give a shit if I saw him naked. He'd just glare at me all exasperated if I slipped into the shower with him. Dean, however, would have a conniption." Gabriel watched Samandriel, looking for some sort of reaction. Some of those sketches of Cas were new, and he wondered why Samandriel still seemed concerned with him.

"He found someone then," Samandriel said very quietly and looked honestly relieved. He had worried after what Gabriel said before that maybe Castiel hadn't been able to move on. But it seemed like he had. Of course it wouldn't make the hurt go away, but at least he hadn't so badly misunderstood how much Castiel had cared for him.

"It was hard for him. It took him a while for him to come to me and ask for sub. A you, essentially, except he knew he was being paid off. They ended up falling for each other, so it turned out alright for them."

"That's good... I mean, it's not good... the whole situation. But it's good he found someone." Samandriel thought about just leaving, but he really, really did want to mural job and he couldn't just pack up and go if he wanted to get the job. Plus, Gabriel promised to help him out on Friday.

"Can you... can you not bring this up on Friday? My family doesn't know. They thought I had an internship at the Angel Network." That's what he went in for. It just didn't turn out that way.

"I won’t. One last question, and I won't mention it again. If you cared, why'd you keep it up?"

"My parents were drug addicts and dealers and my brothers and I grew up in the system. So when it came time for school... the school paid some, but it wasn't enough, not with everything we needed. Alfie was talking about dropping out, and so was Matt. Six months with Castiel and I could pay for our entire schooling. Six more months and I was able to pay off existing debt, and set up a fund that pays for Alfie's school loans and will one day pay for Joey's schooling... and Alfie and Matt wouldn't have met their significant others if they'd had to drop out... it's horrible, it's selfish, and I'm sorry Castiel got hurt because I actually did like him... not as lover but as a friend. That being said, knowing everything I know, I'd do it all over again exactly the same." It was cold blooded, but it was the truth.

Gabriel nodded and stood up, heading out the door. "Let’s go look at the VIP lounge." He hated Michael more than he ever thought he could at that moment. If he had been as desperate as Sam had been, he would have done the exact same thing.

Sam was just a pawn. Michael was the asshole behind the moves.

Samandriel gathered his sketchbooks quickly and thrust them back into his bag. Then he followed after Gabriel. He felt like shit, thinking about what happened. He knew what he'd done. He knew he was a horrible person for it, but he also knew that sometimes to survive you had to sacrifice being a good person. He'd made that choice. He made the choice again when he'd come to Casa Erotica.

He still felt like shit for it. The guilt didn't go away, he just learned how to live with it, mostly by not thinking about it, and reminding himself what good it did do.

He followed Gabriel to the VIP room for the dance club part. He wondered if Gabriel wanted him to do the VIP room for the sex dungeon as well. He glanced wistfully at the mirror ceilings in the main room of the club. What he’d give to be able to get rid of those stupid things and replace them with something with a touch of class.

Gabriel flicked on the lights and stood in the middle of the room, head tilted back to see the ceiling. "So I was thinking this one could be as sleazy as fucking possible while still being suitable for public viewing. Downstairs I want classy and respectable."

"Honestly, I was considering doing something more classic renaissance, you know, naked people being chased by other naked people, but it looks classy because it's in a certain style. But it thought that would be too much for the downstairs. I also considered doing something that looks very graffiti like." Samandriel said, looking around the space.

"The average person on the street would think the BDSM Club would be where all the shit goes down." Gabriel pointed down and looked at Samandriel. "The amount of girls and drugs that gets passed around up here is ridiculous. Put the Renaissance fresco downstairs. Do something else up here."

"But I think it would look strange downstairs. It won't look classy. It'll look skeezy for a sex club. In a dance club room it'll be so out of the ordinary that it'll actually be kinda cool." Samandriel explained.

"So what do you want to put downstairs?" Gabriel turned to Samandriel and crossed his arms over his chest, not agreeing yet, but wanting to hear him out.

"Hmmm..." He thought about it. "Something you might find in a coffee house, a little skin showing, like a woman lying on a fainting couch with her back to you, and she's naked but has a blanket around her, so you see her neck, shoulders, midback, and maybe some of her feet or toes. A little playful, but not slutty, nudity but for the sake of the comfort of the person, not to be a show, or for someone else."

"I like how your mind works Sugar Plum." Gabriel smiled at him over his shoulder. "If you don't put an orgy in the middle of this fresco I'm gonna be super disappointed, I'm gonna be honest."

"It's a renaissance inspired mural. What else would it have?" Samandriel asked with a little smile. "So... I'll sketch up a few things and bring them by for you to approve. Sound good?"

"Sounds good." Gabriel walked over to Samandriel and took a sketch pad out of his hands. He flipped through it to a picture of him angry, in between two cartoons. He showed it to Samandriel, tapping it gently. "Why do you keep sketching me like this?"

"You... it was a very dynamic look," Samandriel said. He took the notebook back. "And I can't get it out of my head. And when that happens, I draw."

"Good to know." Gabriel studied Samandriel with his head tilted to the side for a little while, then looked at his watch. "Better go get ready Sam."

"Is... did you... did I say something wrong?" he asked, tilting his head to the side.

"No, you didn't say anything wrong. Just time to get to work. When I approve of the designs, I'll get Kali to write up a contract and pay you. Sound good?"

"Sounds good." Samandriel took his sketch pads and ran to get ready. He didn't come by with designs until Friday morning. He had five different sketches of possible ceiling designs for downstairs and three for upstairs, mostly just character types for the upstairs.

 

* * *

"Morning Sam-I-Am. Got some ideas for me?" Gabriel asked the day he saw Samandriel come in with a sketch pad.

Gabriel had done some thinking over the week, about whether or not the sketches meant anything. For the sake of his health, he decided it meant Samandriel like to punish himself and didn't know it, and pushed it away, to the back of his mind.

He was Sam's boss, and kinda-sorta friend. That was it.

"Here you go,” Samandriel said. The renaissance one was based on mythology. He liked Persephone and Hades, Hades coming to visit his wife and was very not amused by being covered in flowers and nymphs floating by and giggling at him, though Persephone was pressed right up against him, smiling like the sun. She was tanned skinned and he was pale white. Apollo though was black as night. He was off to the side laughing at his uncle.

The sketches for downstairs were much more varied. He did have the back of the woman on the sofa. And he did a cute one with a large woman in a bathtub with bubbles eating cherries. There were a bunch of them like that. There was a sweetness and innocence to these designs.

Gabriel loved them all.

"Do you think you can put some more religions on there? I'm particularly fond of Norse Mythology, and I'm sure Kali would appreciate some Hindu Gods up there. Maybe. Run that by her first. But a Loki and Thor in dresses and running for their lives seems like it would fit your theme.

As for the downstairs mural, I'm liking the Hilda homage."

"Hmm, well, I suppose I can. It's less classical, but I think that will fit this really well." Samandriel made a few notes and smiled. Then he looked a little confused. "Sorry, which one do you want for the basement levels."

"Bubble bath and cherries here.” He picked up the pad and tapped her. "She's kinda like the Hilda Pinups by Duane Bryers. In spirit at least. Not looks."  
"Good. I like that one. I think it's really cute," Samandriel said with a big grin. "I'll work on the new characters and design for upstairs. Then I'll get the contract." He was beaming. "Will you be ready at 6:30?"

"Sure thing Snow Pea. 6:30 at yours, top hat and tails. What's Jo-Jo's favorite flower?"

"Don't call me snow pea. Jeans and button up. And she likes sunflowers,” he said and went to go get to work.

Gabriel laughed and spent the day pleasantly enough. He ducked out for an early dinner at five, and just didn’t come back. He left a note for Kali saying he had a date, and left it at that.


	5. Chapter 5

Gabriel showed up at Sam’s on time, wearing jeans and a jacket, his hair fluffy and not moussed to within an inch of its life. He was altogether softer than usual, and held a small bunch of sunflowers, just right for little hands.

"MR. GABE!" Johanna shouted. There was the sound of running, then of a lock clicking before the door opened. Johanna answered the door. She was wearing a really cute skirt and shirt and leggings. She had pig tail braids with little plastic sunflower clips at the end.

"Daddy is still getting dressed," Joey said with a big grin. She ran and grabbed her bunny.

"No I'm not. Hello, Gabriel." Samandriel said, finished buttoning his shirt when he came out. "Thank you for coming."

Gabriel grinned down at her, following her in. "Hey. I told you I would. Hi Jo-Jo. Guess who these are for?" He knelt down and held the bouquet out to her. He also pulled out a packet of seeds. "These are for next year sweetheart. You and your daddy can plant them, and you can have an indoor garden of sunflowers."

"Really! Thank you!" she jumped up and gave Gabriel a big, tight hug.

"Whoa there girly!" Gabriel said with a fake groan. "Be careful using that strength. You almost squeezed my head off." Joey giggled and Gabriel hugged her back.

"Why don't I put these in water?" Samandriel asked. He took them and went to put them into a vase and put them in the kitchen. "Okay, Joey, go get your bag."

Joey giggled more and ran off to get her bag.

"Thank you, really." Samandriel said, taking the seeds and put it aside.

"It’s no trouble. Just a run to the florists to pick up my order."

"No... for everything. Really... you're... I'm sorry I called you a bastard. You can be an ass, but you're a very kind man," Samandriel said. He reached out and took his hand and squeezed it, smiling at him.

Gabriel gave him a little smile back, but shrugged to hide his sudden nerves. "Nah, you had it right the first time. I'm a complete bastard with kids as my soft spot."

"No... I don't think so." Samandriel said.

"Ready!" Joey said, running and smashing into her father's legs and hugged him. He picked her up and kissed her cheek.

"Let's go then, Gabriel." Samandriel said, smiling.

Gabriel took the keys from him and locked the door behind him. He jogged to catch up. He walked close and leaned over to whisper in Samandriel's ear. "How long have we been 'dating'?"

"Umm... four months." Samandriel said, blushing a bit. He smiled at him. He took Joey and put her in the back, using one of those special things to make the seatbelt better for a little person. Then he got into the passenger's seat and buckled himself in. "and we haven't gone... uh, downtown. I'm not ready for it."

"Four months? I'm gonna be expected to know stuff by now Sammy." Gabriel gave him an exasperated look."Ah well, I can wing it.'

"You know me enough." Samandriel said with a bit of annoyance. "I don't like talking about myself. They know that," he refused to talk besides giving directions. Gabriel rolled his eyes and followed Sam’s directions, chatting about everything and nothing with Joey.

The place they were going wasn’t exactly close. It was actually closer to Gabriel’s home than it was to Samandriel’s. Samandriel really didn’t live in the best part of town. This wasn’t the best part of town either, but it was a big step up from Samandriel’s place. Matt's place was just a much nicer place with a full living room, two bedrooms, a separate kitchen and two bathrooms. It was also a third floor walk up. Sammy got Joey out and carried her up to the door and knocked.

Matt almost immediately opened the door and flung his arms around Samandriel and Jo. He was identical to Samandriel except for clothes and hair style. Samandriel kept a fairly neat hair cut. Matt’s looked like he, or someone else, kept running fingers through it. Matt was also in much nicer jeans than Gabriel had ever seen Samandriel wear, and a tee shirt that proclaimed Matt’s love of Wicked.

"Hey guys!" Matt exclaimed, dragging his brother and niece inside. He kissed Jo on the forehead and pulled back to see Gabriel. He ushered them all inside and shook Gabriel's hand."You must be Gabriel."

"And you must be... a brother."

"Matt."

"Matt, Congratulations on the promotion!"

"Thanks.” Matt beamed from ear to ear, proud of himself.

"You made it!" Emerson, Matt’s girlfriend said, rushing out of the kitchen and giving Sam and Joey a kiss. Joey grinned and let Emi take her. Emi set Joey on her hip. "You must be the amazing Mr. Gabe we've been hearing about." She was all easy, warm smiles, dressed in a comfy, casual dress with her hair braided. Her hair was a brownish-red color and she had brown eyes that danced with good humor. She was white skinned, with small curves, and about average height. The word for her was sweet.

"Alfie and James are in the living room," she said. "Joey, why don't you help me get the cookies out." she took the baby to the kitchen.

Gabriel heard the word cookies and was just about to follow the girls into the kitchen when Matt started to walk into the living room. He sighed minutely and followed them in.

Alfie and James were cuddled up on the sofa. Alfie looked up and waved. Alfie’s hair was even longer than Matt’s enough that he probably needed a haircut soon, but not so long that he looked like he was planning on growing out, only that he’d been careless about timing. He was pressed into a man with thick brown hair, and a little moustache who had to be at least in his mid to late fifties, and maybe even sixties.

"Hey Sammy!" Alfie said with a smile before her cuddled back into his fiancé. "Hello, creepy dickhead."

"Gabriel," Samandriel corrected.

"Owns a sex club," Alfie said with a grin.

"An establishment where people with more ...selective tastes in a partner can find some relief and satisfaction,” Gabriel said with a smile as James tried to extract himself from Alfie grip. Alfie tightened his grip, though. After a minute he sighed and stopped trying.

"Hello. I'm James."

Gabriel kept his thoughts to himself and simply smiled. He understood what Sam had meant now.

"That sounds like you talk a good talk." Alfie said. "Sam, is he good to you?"

"Very good." Sam said, going and plopping down on the loveseat so Gabriel could join him if he wanted.

Alfie was practically in James's lap he was so snuggled up to him. He laid his cheek on James's chest and smiled, seemingly content.

"I would think a linguist would appreciate my masterful use of the English language,” Gabriel said, snapping out of his little stupor. He did end up sitting next to Sam, his legs spread so his thigh was touching Sam’s.

"Who cares if he's good to Sam,” Matt teased, then turned serious. "Is he good for Joey? She may adore him but that doesn't mean he's good for her."

"I haven't brought him around much, but I'm pretty sure he likes her more than he likes me... not like that, Alfie, don't be an ass." Samandriel said with exasperation.

"What? You know what they say about men with perversions." Alfie said too innocent.

"Do not me make every little ‘perversion’ you have. You're worse than him," Samandriel said, rolling his eyes.

Alfie cackled and not so subtly pinched James's bottom, but not too hard. He leaned his head on James's shoulder, though. James jumped a bit and turned his head, leveling a glare at Alfie.

Alfie smiled at him sweetly "love you." he said and gave James a short kiss.

Gabriel snorted and covered it with his hand. "Don't worry Snap Dragon,” he said in a sugar sweet, saccharin voice. "Jo's cute, but I think you're cuter."

"Thanks." Samandriel said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"Ew, you picked someone just like me. That's creepy," Alfie said.

"Ew, you gross little shit, never say anything like that again."Samandriel said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Don't even know you, and I feel insulted," Gabriel said with a little half smile on his face.

"You should be.” Matt leaned over and stage whispered to him. "But it is a bit true"

"Hey!" Gabriel said.

Alfie cracked up.

"ALFIE!" Emerson called and Alfie hopped up to go help her get things set up the rest of the way.

"That means that dinner is almost ready." Samandriel told Gabriel. "Would you like to wash up before dinner?"

"Oh ho ho, I think I'm going to get yelled at." Gabriel said as he let Samandriel lead him. 

"No... Why would I yell at you?" Samandriel asked in confusion. "Look... again, thank you for coming and being good... I know Alfie's a lot to handle sometimes, but he wants to be sure you're not going to hurt me."

Gabriel looked at Sam, a bit perplexed, and then shrugged it off. "I've handled far worse before. He's like a little kitten actually. Is he always that handsy with old man river? - only comment, I swear."

"Yeah. James was one of his professors... honestly, Alfie has dated much older men when he was much younger. James realizes how lucky he is to have Alfie, and Alfie spends most of his time trying to figure out how to get James out of his clothes, as far as I can tell." He shrugged. "I really do like him though. He's very smart and kind and my brother is happy. And Emerson... she's actually Dr. Price. She has a PhD in Genetics. She's fantastic." He was suddenly so proud of his brothers. He was smiling broadly.

"And here I am, a college dropout who owns a sex club. You should have went trawling the college bars dude, found someone more appropriate."

"You're... you have a lot of power over me and you haven't used it... you're a lot better than you seem to think you are,” Samandriel said softly. He was hesitant to admit that, but he felt like Gabriel needed to hear it .

'I have less than you think,’ Gabriel thought to himself. "And look what I did with it. Don't worry, if I go off the deep end, Kali will have your back. She's got an affinity for fire, if you haven't noticed."

"I actually was okay with that. I've been in real, serious pain before. I learned from a very young age that the best way to not have to go to school with broken ribs was to do exactly what other people wanted you to... so what happened... they were much nicer than what I learned with or what I was doing before I got hired at your place. It's fine. Really." Samandriel assured Gabriel and offered him a sweet smile.

Gabriel just raised an eyebrow in return. "I feel like we need to give you a lesson on what fine actually is."

Samandriel laughed a little. "I really am okay..." he smiled a little more and felt awful. Gabriel was beautiful and sweet and everything Samandriel wished he could have, but most certainly couldn't because if what he did.

"And as long as you keep safe- teaching them how to act, you will be." Gabriel smiled at Sam, and then dried his hands. "All done, Pops."

Samandriel washed his hands and dried them and then took Gabriel's hands and laced their fingers, walking out with him to where the table was all set for them all.

He could pretend for a little while that they were dating, and in love, or something. He could pull Gabriel's chair out for him and kiss his cheek before he sat down and let Emerson awwww as she served them all potatoes. He could do that for a night.


	6. Chapter 6

Gabriel spent most of dinner watching Samandriel with a little smile on his lips. He had to remind himself it was all for show as he squeezed Sam’s hand and then gently brought it to his lips for a kiss near the end of the meal.

Samandriel went a little red, but he smiled. He had also spent most of dinner like that, letting himself pretend that he could have Gabriel as his lover. When dinner and desert was over, Joey had tuckered herself out.

"Alright, we have to go." Samandriel said, scooping up his sleepy baby.

Gabriel gave them a soft smile, and then looked to the rest of the adults. "It was good meeting you all, congrats on the promotion, and the wedding." He gave them all a mock salute and headed out towards the car so he could unlock the door for Sam and Jo.

“Congratulations again, Matt,” Samandriel said. “I’m very proud of you.” He smiled at Matt and Alfie who both came up and gave him a hug goodbye.

“Bye bye, baby doll,” Alfie said, kissing Joey’s cheek. She grimaced a little and buried her face in Samandriel’s shoulder. Matt kissed the top of her head.

“Rest well, baby,” Matt said gently.

Emerson and James stood back. They both waved as Gabriel, Samandriel and Joey left. Samandriel was able to coax Joey into a sleepy wave. Once they were outside Samandriel settled Joey in her car seat with her bunny. She instantly passed out once the car started off.

"This was... it was nice,” Samandriel said. His heart ached. He glanced over at Gabriel and smiled a little. "If we were really dating, what would we be doing now?" He was just torturing himself now, truly he was.

Gabriel glanced at Samandriel out of the corner of his eye. He wondered what kind of game Samandriel was trying to play. It didn’t seem like a fun game, that was for sure. "Hold your hand, make out after Jo-Jo gets in bed." He shrugged, and tightened his grip on the steering wheel. He couldn't figure out why Sam was asking. "Normal date stuff. Why do you ask?"  
"I want..." Samandriel trailed off and licked his lips. He felt too dried out. "To ask you a question... and if the answer is no... will you just never bring it up again, please?"

"Do I need to be you fake boyfriend for another event or something?"

"No... I was just..." Samandriel trailed off again and then looked out the window. He watched the world rush by. "Nothing." Why did he think he could ask that? Of his boss? Of the guy who knew the worst thing he'd ever done in his life? He squeezed his eyes shut tight. Gabriel was so, so too good for him

Gabriel looked at him and frowned. He stopped at a stop light and reached out for his hand. "Sam, what's up? You know you can tell me, right? I'd like to think that at some point in this weird relationship, we've become friends"

Samandriel looked over at Gabriel when Gabriel took his hand and then he looked down again. "It was really stupid. I wanted to ask... if you'd go out with me... but it's stupid. I'm an idiot and I'm sorry for bothering you." He pulled his hand away unable to look at Gabriel.

The light turned green, but Gabriel ignored it. He could barely believe what he was hearing, and he wasn't sure if the butterflies in his stomach were from fear or excitement. He reached for Samandriel's hand, but was interrupted by a horn honking. He scowled and started to drive.

"Okay." He tightened his grip on the steering wheel and released it, trying to get rid of those damned butterflies. “We can do that. Where do you want to go for our second date?"

"Wait, what?" Samandriel asked, looking at Gabriel absolutely stunned. He couldn't understand at all. It must be a joke, because there was no way Gabriel said yes to the broke, single father who broke his friend's heart for money. That wasn't happening. "You... what?"

Gabriel grinned to hide his nerves. "Where do you want to go on our second date? Meeting the fam was a bold choice for a first date, but I can appreciate that."

"I... wait, are you saying yes? Why are you saying yes? You're supposed to laugh at me and call me a moron, not say yes." Samandriel sounded a little panicked; it was so far from what he'd expected to happen.

"Why would I laugh at you and call you a moron?" Gabriel pulled into the parking lot and shut the engine off. "You're beautiful, talented, ballsy, and as your boyfriend of four months I would like to get to know you better.

The question is, why do you want to go out with an asshole like me? I'm probably gonna teach Joey the wrong ways to handle things and stuffs gonna go wrong cause I've got a list of issues a mile wide, but yeah ... I want to go out with you."

"Because... even though you know the worst thing about me, you're still kinder to me and my daughter and my family then I have any right to expect. You could have told them everything, if it suited you, but you laughed with them and told jokes and seemed like you were enjoying yourself. You buy my baby gifts, and pay for her bills and offer her warmth and care... you're beautiful and successful and amazing, and I don't have anything I can really offer you, but I know I want you,” Samandriel explained.

"Wow kid. You... are something else, you know that?" Gabriel had never heard himself described like that before. He sounded like a decent kind of guy if you put it like that. "Come on, we already did the hand holding bit. Let’s put Jo-Jo to bed so we can do the making out bit."

Samandriel blushed and ducked his head, but nodded. He carried his baby up to her bed. His apartment had two rooms, but he and Joey shared a room (though they each had their own bed) because Samandriel kept his paints, some of which were not child safe, in the other room. He also painted and drew in there and he needed his art to not be destroyed by a well meaning baby.

He helped Joey change and took the plastic out of her hair and gave her the bunny and let her sleep. He shut the door and went back to the living room where he'd left Gabriel.

"Um... hey?" he said nervously.

Gabriel had perched on the arm of the sofa, staring at some of the art on the walls. He perked up when Samandriel came out, and stood up. "Hey. Care to join me?" He gestured to the couch with a lecherous grin.

Samandriel was tentative when he came over. He tugged Gabriel to sit on the sofa cushions with him. He looked nervous. "You certain about this?"

Gabriel pulled him close and tilted his head up with his chin. He shrugged. "Enough." He moved forward and gently kissed Samandriel

Samandriel accepted the kiss, but he let out a small, frustrated sound because it wasn't what he wanted. He crawled into Gabriel's lap, straddling him so he could face him. He buried his hand in Gabriel's hair and got a strong grip before he kissed him. He guided Gabriel's head with the hand in his hair and kissed him for all he was worth.

Gabriel made a hungry sound and happily kissed back. He shoved his hands up Sam’s shirt and grabbing and holding him, exploring and getting used to the feel of his body. He supposed if all Samandriel's kisses were like this, they could compromise on the D/s thing.

Samandriel let out a happy sound and latched himself onto Gabriel's neck. He sucked, leaving marks, marks that wouldn't be easy to cover up. Then he nibbled on Gabriel's ear, a little harder than what he'd normally do. He hadn't had his way about anything to do with his body in a long time and he wanted what he wanted.

Gabriel grinned and let Samandriel do what he wanted. "Possessive little thing, aren't you?” He said with a groan. He turned his head and kissed Samandriel hard, running his nails down his back, lighter than he usually would

"I'm related to my family." Samandriel pushed Gabriel down and lay on his chest so he couldn't just get up. He started to nibble on Gabriel's lower lip. Worried it until it was red and swollen and then started to do the same with the top lip.

"Family trait huh?" Gabriel licked his swollen lips, then shoved his hands down Sam’s pants squeezing his ass.

“Did you not see Alfie crawling all over James?” Samandriel asked, laughing a little.

"Matt kept his hands to himself,” Gabriel said. 

He pushed back into Gabriel’s hand a bit, for just a moment, and then he reached back and pulled Gabriel’s hand out of his pants. “Sorry, can’t do that with a little person around.” 

Gabriel pouted when Samandriel pulled his hands out. “Spoil Sport." He ran his hands up and down Sam's back, aimlessly, not really satisfied with that. "Our next date's ending at mine, agreed?"

"Deal. Pick a night and I'll get a babysitter." Samandriel said; hell, he practically purred. Then he smiled warmly and lay down, cuddling into Gabriel. He really didn't want to wake Joey. But he wanted to be held, so he held Gabriel and called it close enough.

"Tomorrow,” Gabriel said immediately. He kinda flailed a bit then sighed "Lemme up. I don't like being on bottom when nothing’s going on."

"No, stay. You're comfy." Samandriel whined, burring his face into Gabriel's neck and latching his arms around Gabriel's neck so he couldn't just shake him off. "How about Sunday? I can find someone easier that way."

"Sunday? We can do Sunday. Six thirty again?" Gabriel wrapped his arms around Samandriel and sat up then shifted so he was laying in the corner. "There that's better."

"Yeah, that's good." Samandriel shifted his position so he wasn't straddling him and could more easily curl up against Gabriel's chest. "I really do like you... you surprise me all the time." He was smiling shyly. He did feel shy. Gabriel was amazing and he wanted to be someone Gabriel would want to stay with.

Gabriel gently stroked Samandriel's hair and tilted his head up. "I like you too. Wanted you the second you walked into my office actually."

Samandriel blushed bright red and buried his face in Gabriel's chest. "I was such a nervous mess that day... I liked you from when you came to drive me to the hospital..." before that he'd really had no opinion on his boss except that he paid him. After that, though...

"You were beautiful and a picture perfect sub. Then I was mad about the whole Castiel thing.... I forgave you after the hospital thing. Decided it just didn't matter anymore. Still didn't think I had a chance though." He kissed Samandriel's forehead and shrugged.

"Why? Why would you think that? You're like the most attractive man I've ever met and you're brilliant and funny and sweet. Why would you ever think I wouldn't be interested?" Samandriel was honestly flabbergasted

"Thought you were straight. Figured I was out of the running on account of my lack of a vagina."

"And after I told you I prefer men? Why didn't you say something then?" Samandriel asked. He started to play with Gabriel's hair.

"You had just asked me to be your fake boyfriend out of desperation," Gabriel said flatly.

"Shit... I’m sorry. I really shouldn't have asked that of you. You're incredible for putting up with all of this," Samandriel said, his face getting red.

"Not so much 'putting up with'. It’s more like 'Can’t say no’,” Gabbriel admitted softly. "It’s all worked out okay."

"I can't imagine why. But I'll try to not look a gift horse on the mouth." He kissed Gabriel softly and smiled gently. "This is nice"

"Mmhmm." Gabriel stole another kiss and smiled. "It’s gonna be better tomorrow when I can get my hands down your pants."

"Sunday. Tomorrow is Saturday, silly goose." Samandriel teased. "Will our date just be me coming over and us having sex, or will there be dinner involved?"

"Food will be involved, yes,” Gabriel said with a pleased grin on his face.

"Then it's a real date and not just a booty call." Samandriel said. He lightly nibbled on Gabriel's neck. He liked the feel of it.

Gabriel tilted his head up and made a low sound of pleasure in the back of his throat. "If I make dinner but we still don't leave the house, is that still a booty call? If so, it’s been a long time since I've had a date- so you're gonna have to be gentle with me."

"No, it's still a date," Samandriel said with a grin. "I'll be as gentle with you as you have been with me," he teased. "Would you like to stay here? I mean... I'm not sure how much room there is in my bed, but the sofa bed is probably more comfortable than my mattress."

Gabriel ran his fingers through Sam's hair and just relaxed. He helped pull out the sofa and looked at his clothes. "Think I can borrow some PJs. Or I can sleep in my boxers?"

"I'll find you something, hold on." Samandriel went and found a tee shirt and pair of sweat pants that he didn't wear because they were a little big on him and brought them back to Gabriel. "Are chocolate chip pancakes good for you fir breakfast?"

"Mmm. You know me so well." Gabriel got dressed in Sam's clothes, not bothering with going   
to the bathroom to do it. When he was finished, he plucked at the too tight shirt with a wry little smile. "We are not the sharing kind of couple."

"Yeah... body types and all... though you do look good in my shirt." Samandriel pounced on Gabriel for kisses, pinning him down to the sofa bed to get what he wanted.

Gabriel groaned into the kiss, and then flipped Samandriel over. He grinned down at him and nosed at his neck, pressing kisses and biting it, though not leaving any marks.

Samandriel flipped them again and pinned Gabriel's hands above his head, so he wouldn't get any ideas. Then he kissed him all fierce and hungry.

Gabriel hummed into the kiss and wrapped his legs around Samandriel’s waist. He waited a moment and then twisted to the side. He followed the motion until he was back on top and then gave him a kiss on the nose.

"You really don't like being pinned down, do you?" Samandriel asked, wiggling away until he was lying next to him instead.

"It’s okay for like a second." Gabriel scooted closer and draped his leg over Samandriel’s hip. "It’s better if I'm blindfolded."

"I don't like being pinned. I do it for my job, but it reminds me of... things... that I'd... rather not remember." Samandriel didn't elaborate more than that. But he snuggled his head into Gabriel's shoulder.

"You don't have to do it for work either you know," Gabriel said softly. He ran his fingers over Samandriel's back.

"There are more people who like that. I can't really afford to be selective," Samandriel said. He took on as many people as time would allow, trying to make enough to make ends meet. He was lucky for 2000 a week. He couldn't turn down work.

Gabriel was quiet at that, and just continued to draw aimlessly on Samandriel's back.

"What are you thinking about?" Samandriel asked, a smile in his voice.

"You in some lingerie." Gabriel didn't even hesitate before lying. He was trying to figure out how to get Sam better paying clients without upsetting the other talent too much

"Uh-huh." Samandriel said and kissed him. "When my sketches get approved I won't be working the room for a while. I'll have work I like doing and it'll be all good," Samandriel said. He knew Gabriel was going to try and help, but honestly, he'd prefer Gabriel letting him paint the whole club then have to deal with other clients.

"Soon,” Gabriel promised. He yawned a little and pulled Samandriel closer, nuzzling into his hair. "Night Angel"

"I can't... hold on." Samandriel got up and opened the bedroom door so Joey would know to come find him if she needed anything. He flipped off the lights, and then he went and crawled back into Gabriel's arms to sleep.

Gabriel chuckled and kissed Sam. "Such a good Papa."

“Goodnight, Gabriel,” Samandriel said, grinning as he shut his eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

Samandriel was really happy the next two weeks. It was just easy. He had enjoyed in and out of bed with Gabriel, and the day that Gabriel took him and Joey on a picnic. He didn’t know why they just settled together like they did. He didn’t know why Gabriel seemed to have as much trouble keeping his hands off of him, and Samandriel had keeping his hands off Gabriel. He didn’t know why it was working, but he knew that it was working and that for the past two weeks it had been practically perfect.

It helped that he’d started painting. Not having to get wailed on all day and actually getting to do something productive made Samandriel feel really good. He was about a week and a half into his work. It was slow going, but it was also on the ceiling and he really couldn’t afford to fall and break something, especially himself. Not that Gabriel complained. It probably helped that Samandriel came in and gave Gabriel kisses each morning before he started his painting for the day on the downstairs room.

He knocked before coming in, but he also came in before Gabriel said anything, and he shut the door with his foot. He was grinning. He’s been smiling a lot the past few days. He made a beeline for Gabriel and kissed his lover the second he could. "Hello lovely."

Gabriel smiled and wrapped his arms around Sam’s waist and pulled him into his lap. He too had been extraordinarily happy these past two weeks. Sam was amazing, and so was Johanna - who had Gabriel wrapped around her finger. He was happy.

"How are you this morning?"

"Better because I'm seeing you." Samandriel kissed him again and then sat on the desk and spread his legs, tugging Gabriel and his rolling chair close so that he could kiss him more easily.

“Good,” Gabriel said. He rested is hands on Sam’s behind and gave it a squeeze. Sammy had a really cute butt. He took full advantage of his title as boyfriend to put his hands on Samandriel’s awesome butt as much as he possibly could. Gabriel held on to Sam’s hips, wanting to give as much as he could get. He knew it would have to last until the end of the day. Samandriel got so focused on his work, and interruption, even sexy ones were not welcome.

“MMm, good,” Samandriel purred. He rested his hands on Gabriel’s shoulders to help keep himself steady. He wanted more kisses. He hadn’t gotten enough the previous day and he had a little bit of time to take advantage. And he was going to take his time. 

"Well, it seems you're busy." The words were followed by a knock. Samandriel froze, recognizing the voice instantly, and turned slowly. He saw Michael. Michael, dressed up in his ridiculous and expensive suits, with his shark’s smile and his judgmental gaze. And he was smiling. Coldness spread down Samandriel’s spine. Why was Michael here?

"Hello Samandriel,” Michael said in his predatory manner.

Gabriel froze when he heard Michael's voice. From the tone, he wasn't here to reconcile their differences. "What the hell?"

"You do hide yourself very well." Michael said. "I went to a lot of trouble to find you." He walked in and looked at Samandriel, but his words were still directed at Gabriel. "You know, I didn't think you'd be so stupid as to get in bed with the same boy our brother fell for, even knowing that he was a dirty little whore who was happy to string you along for money."

"I better go." Samandriel said, hoping up. "Work to do... and all." He didn’t stay long enough to hear any protests, he just left, walking as quickly as he could and still not be running, away from Gabriel and toward his painting. 

"I didn't want to be found, Brother." Gabriel spat out the last word and stood up, glaring at Michael. He didn’t like the frightened way Samandriel ran off like that. And he didn’t like the stab of hurt when he watched Samandriel walked out and left him there with Michael, alone. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"You should come back Gabriel." Michael said. He took a handkerchief from his pocket and ran it over a chair, cleaning off invisible germs. Then he lowered himself into the chair. He sat back and cross his leg at the knee. "I must say that I am hurt, Lucifer knew where you were and we didn't. Took a lot of work to find you. I'm hurt." He said. “You should have come back when Lucifer dragged out that cardboard cutout of you to my party. You shouldn’t have made me try to find you.” 

“That was months ago,” Gabriel said, like that really mattered. Michael’s smile got a little wider.

"He's cute. Does he do every little thing you tell him to like a good boy?"

"He's not like that. We're not like that." Gabriel went around his desk and perched on the edge. "And unless things have changed at home, I'm not coming back, not even for those drama filled Thanksgivings."

"How do you know?" Michael asked. "I heard what you did for Castiel, picking him up and putting him back together, finding him someone new... and then you go and go after the boy that broke our brother's heart. You're foolish."

"He's older, and he regrets how he hurt Castiel. But things are different now. He can be honest with me because he's not being paid off by you: the manipulative big brother." Gabriel glared at Michael, hating that after this long Michael could still get under his skin in seconds.

"Are you certain about all that?" Michael asked, smiling too sweetly.

"Why are you here Michael?" Gabriel changed the subject. He didn’t like how his heart dropped into his stomach. "Can't just be to lure a man in hiding back into the fold, can it? And how the hell did you find me? You keep saying it was hard- guess it wasn't hard enough."

"You've made me very unhappy, Gabriel. You ran away, left us behind, and decided to run a sex club.” 

"It’s not a sex club.'' Gabriel said automatically.

“What makes you think there wouldn't be retribution?” Michael continued. “What made you think that I wouldn't send someone for you? The boy is a good actor, I already knew that. I just didn't really believe you'd be so stupid... turns out I was wrong. I do feel sorry for you, though."

Gabriel gripped the edge of his desk and felt his heart sink even lower down into his stomach. "Stop it Michael. You're a God Damn liar, always have been." His protests sounded weak to his own ears.

"But you don't know, do you? You want me to be lying.” Michael pointed at Gabriel whenever he said you, his gaze focused completely on Gabriel’s face. “You want that boy to be in love with you. It's what you want to be true, but you can't know for sure."

"Shut up. Get out." Gabriel glared at him, angry and hurt. Michael’s malicious smile reminded Gabriel all over again why he’d left. Michael didn’t even want him back, he wanted to hurt him.

Michael smile stayed in place and got up and left.

Gabriel stood there for a long moment, watching the spot Michael had been sitting in like he’d pop back up. He shouldn’t have been able to get in at all. The guards shouldn’t have let in anyone that Gabriel didn’t want let in. Michael probably bribed one of them. Gabriel didn’t even find that shocking or infuriating. It was just Michael. 

And it was only Michael. He had to have been only saying those things to hurt him? Right? 

Well, only one what to know: talk to the Trojan horse himself. 

Gabriel headed out of his office and down to the private room that Samandriel was painting. If Samandriel was still there at all, that was where he would be. 

Samandriel was in the VIP room. He hadn’t been able to take up a paint brush. Anger was shooting up and down, through his whole body. If he tried to pick up a paint brush he was likely to break it, and he couldn’t really afford to go buy new ones. That thought, and ones like it kept him seated and still. He couldn’t afford to replace anything her broke. 

He tried, he really did try to focus on money, or not breaking anything. He really did. But running through his mind was that Gabriel had lied to him. Gabriel wasn't Castiel's friend, he was his brother... his brother, like Michael was Castiel’s brother… Like Michael was Gabriel’s brother.

Gabriel scrubbed a hand over his face before he entered the room. The thing he hated most of all was that Michael was right. He didn’t know. Sam had done this before for his brothers, and he loved that little girl more than life itself. He'd do anything to keep her off the streets. Including seduce a gullible man who usually lets his penis do the thinking.

His heart had taken some damage, but seeing Sam would put it all to rights again. He let that be his mantra as he walked up to the room.

"So that was a shitty start to the day, am I right?"

Samandriel whipped his head around when he heard Gabriel's voice. He glared at him, so much anger coursing through his veins.

"So, was this some kind of plan... making me want you until I thought I really had... something? Then you'd tell me it was all a joke. Ha ha, really fucking funny. You've had your revenge, now fuck off." Samandriel snapped, wrapping his arms around himself.

Gabriel looked at him with confusion and hurt all over his features. "What the absolute fuck are you talking about? "

"You're his brother. You're not his friend, or someone he does business with. You're his brother and you..." he wanted to punch Gabriel, so he hugged himself tighter. He still needed his job.

"Well joke's on you. I'm not quitting. I've got nowhere else I can go. I'm at rock bottom. But if you want sex you have to pay for it like everyone else. I don't come for free anymore. Not for someone who lies to me." He thought he might cry. He hated this so much. Of course Gabriel couldn't really care for him. Of course he'd dreamed too high. Karma was a bitch.

"I never lied to you. Castiel's the only one of those bastards worth claiming, and I wasn't going to do it while he's a Milton still. He's my brother, my friend and my client." He had been so honest with Samandriel after they had gotten together. He didn't mention being a Milton because he didn't think it would even matter, and now it was being thrown in his face, like he was the bad guy. Gabriel shook his head and stepped forward, angry and even more hurt.

"But why am I defending myself to the king of all liars? No. You're not going to turn this back on me you little whore. I'm not going to be made to feel guilty about falling for Michael and Your little ruse. I might not have been then, but I'm on to you now. I was stupid to think someone like you could change."

Samandriel looked like Gabriel had slapped him. He didn't know what was going on. The day had started out so good. He was going to do his work, work he loved doing. He was going to give Gabriel a lot of kisses. It was going to be a good day and then everything went to hell.

Gabriel had never made him feel really bad for what he did, but now...

"Screw you! Screw you, you uppity little shit. I never did a damn thing to you! I never did- I didn't even know you were all fucking related until ten minutes ago when that piece of shit, that total waste of humanity walked into your office and started talking to you. And just F-Y-I, the last time I saw that bastard was seven years ago. You're the one who keeps bringing it all, back up!" he moved away from Gabriel. He turned away, trying to hold himself together.

"Please leave me alone." he said quietly. He didn't want Gabriel to see him cry.

"I really mean that fucking little to you that you won't even come clean?” Gabriel said coldly. "You want me to leave you alone? Done. I'd fire you if you weren't everyone’s fucking favorite Liar of a Sub.  
Finish this mural, leave the private upstairs room alone. Talk to Kali from now on. If you come to my office for any reason, you're gone." He stormed out of the room and left. He called Kali's receptionist and left a message with her, then went for a drive.

Gabriel was so angry at himself. He knew, the second he saw his name that the kid wasn't any good, but he had to fall for him anyway.

It was his own god damn fault he hurt this much, and that just made it hurt more. Everything was a lie. Sam didn't care about him. He cared about money, and how much he could pull out of Gabriel's pocket on top of what Michael bribed him with.

He turned and went home, not even bothering with a cup as he went through the house, drinking and getting rid of the few things Samandriel had left behind. By the time he was done, he was drunk and weepy, clinging to one of Johanna's sunflower barrettes she had gifted him like it would tell him the answers he was looking for.

Samandriel stood stalk still while Gabriel yelled at him. He was very silent, and waited until Gabriel was gone. Then he sat down on a sofa and sobbed his heart out.

Everything, everything was ruined and he had a moment where he felt like if he didn't have Johanna to think of he'd just go walk out in front of a bus.

He sat there for like an hour, unable to even move.

Then he went and found a place to wash his face and got to work. He still had to work; he still had to earn money. He still had a contract. That kept him moving, though he wondered why he even really bothered to try for anything good for himself anymore. He clearly didn't deserve it.


	8. Chapter 8

In the following days Samandriel did his job. He painted the mural of the woman in the bathtub. It looked beautiful, like everything he promised. Kali told him she'd approve the other painting, but Samandriel shook his head no and just went back to his other job. He put the money he made off the mural away from when a catastrophe happened, as it surely would.

He became very quiet. The customers even seemed to notice. A few filled out the complaint form, not to complain, but because their normally very sunny sub was very quiet, and his smiles came less often. They were worried.

Not that Kali could really get anywhere with Gabriel. He was unusually tight-lipped about it. So it wasn't surprising that when Alfie came one Saturday afternoon that she put him in Gabriel's office to wait.

"So, I want to know what the hell you did to my big brother, since I know it can't just be breaking up with him, as he's normally at least functional as a human being when he's ended a relationship."

Gabriel glanced up at Alfie when he walked in, then glared at him. "Ask him what he did your own damn self."

"I did. He said you broke up and it's his fault and then he goes into a damn guilt spiral, which is hilarious because I know you weren't dating for more than an actual month, so he shouldn't give two shits about what you think about him at all. So what happened?" Alfie demanded.

Gabriel glared at Alfie, wishing he could just disappear and not have to deal with this bullshit ever again. "He got caught, that's what happened. My big brother, who I was happily estranged from, came strolling in last week and he informed me that Samandriel was just trying to hustle me. He's just pissed he didn't have longer to do it."

"Really?" Alfie asked, his tone pure sarcasm. "That's what you think? Because he's not frustrated, like I've seen him be when a good job passed him by. Or when money he thought he'd get didn't come in. He's devastated, like when I told him I used to screw one of our foster pops for money to pay for a school trip he wanted to go on, or like when Joey was sick this last time. He's walking around like he's not even human. So tell me what really happened, because that bullshit you're spewing isn't it," he said coldly.

"It’s the fucking truth." Gabriel snapped. He stood up and walked around his desk into Alfie’s space. He didn’t need some kid, a Samandriel look-alike, telling him off like this. Gabriel was the one who’d been lied to. He wasn’t going to let Alfie make him feel bad.

"You wanna know how all your fucking college debt got paid off? It wasn't cause of some internship at Heaven TV Network. He was paid to be my brother's boyfriend, except Castiel didn't know he was being paid off. I picked up the pieces of Cas' heart. Sam's so fucking easy to love; I let him do the same damn thing to me..." Gabriel trailed off but picked back up again.

"You ask him he'll spew some bullshit about how I was the one faking it to get back at him about Cas but its’ a lie. I have never thrown myself so hard into a relationship before, just to have every bit of it be a lie. "

Alfie sat in silence and listened. Then he laughed bitterly. He didn’t just laugh a little bit either. It was loud and made Gabriel wince from the harshness of the sound.

“What?” Gabriel snapped.

"God, we knew he was lying but that was what he was doing? Fuck, you think I give a shit? Matt and I would have done the same damn thing. But what I find really, really interesting is how fucking dumb you are."

Alfie stood up and gave Gabriel a freezing cold look. "He was making about 15k a month from whatever he did with your brother. We paid off our debt and everything was good and stable and easy. You think if he was making money like that... you think that he'd be living in that shitty place he does, taking his baby to the free clinic, going over his bills over and over? You saw how he lives, right on the edge and barely making it with whatever job he's doing with you. I doubt it's painting. He comes home aching and bruised though. He's working himself to the bone for whatever you're paying him and you think he's got 15k a month he's stashing somewhere? No, it's just easier to not think."

Alfie got so mad he grabbed the papers on Gabriel's desk and threw them on the floor.

"Samandriel's never coming back here. We're not gonna let him. He and Joey can live with me and James or with Matt and Emerson, but he's never coming back here, and we're not going to let him kill himself working here when the guy he's in love with is right here and isn't worth a second of his time. Have a good life, you fucking moron."

Alfie walked out, slamming the door after him.

Gabriel just stood there, gutted, not wanting to believe what Alfie had said. He didn't want to think he had ruined the best thing he had ever had for nothing.

He picked up his cell, and dialed Michael’s number. The bastard had sent him a text after he left and Gabriel had saved the number as 'DNA: Traitor'. He didn't bother with a greeting when Michael picked up.

"Tell me you paid him."

"You're more of an idiot than I thought then. Since when have you believed a damn thing I've ever said?" Michael asked. He was actually stunned that Gabriel had actually listened to him.

"Don't ever contact me again. If I see you again I will stab you in the chest and watch as you bleed out." Gabriel spoke through clenched teeth. He took a few thick breaths in and out, trying to keep himself calm.

"You're the one who ended your relationship, not me," Michael said before hanging up.

Gabriel covered his face with his hands, then changed his mind and hurled his phone across the room. The crack it made was satisfying, so he threw his pen cup. He continued across his desk like that, throwing everything across the room as hard as he could.

When he was finished, he sat down on the floor in front of his desk, just staring at his lap. He wasn't quite numb, but he was close enough that it was almost a relief to feel nothing after the weeks of hurt. At least this version of numbness was kind on his liver.

"What the hell happened?" Kali asked. Someone had gone to get her when they heard stuff crashing in the office. She waited until the noise had stopped before she walked in.

She shut the door and looked around at the mess Gabriel had made. "This is going to be a bitch to clean up, and I'm not doing it."

"I’m an idiot." Gabriel mumbled "I'm so stupid. Haven't seen him for over twenty years and I still let him play me." Gabriel pulled his knees up to his chest and ducked his head into them. "I'll use my personal account to hire a maid. You go take an early lunch or something."

Kali sighed and sat down next to him and put her arm around him. "I wondered if it had to do with Samandriel... I've been worried since he broke up. Last person I saw that dead looking ended up taking a short walk off a ten story building."

Gabriel closed his eyes and winced. "He's got Jo-Jo. He'd never do that to her…” He trailed off for a moment before pressing on. “Michael showed up last week. He said some shit I said some shit back and then went and ended the best thing I've ever had. I'm really stupid."

"Yeah. You are an idiot. So you better make your apology really fucking good,” She said bluntly. "I was just told he isn’t coming back to work, so you better go buy him diamond cufflinks and get down on your hands and knees and tell him exactly how stupid you are."

"I won’t get past his brothers. They hate me worse than Lucifer hates Michael."

"Well, if you don't try then you're the biggest fool in the world, and a coward to boot. He deserves an apology, even if you can't forgive you." She got up and started to pick up papers.

Gabriel groaned and kicked at Kali's hand. "Don't do that, you don't do that when I ask. You glare and are all like"I may be Indian but I'm not your maid" and click-clack your way out of my office."

"Go pick your ass up and leave and I'll stop. Until then I'll be picking up," she told him stubbornly

Gabriel groaned and watched her pick up his papers and pens for about a minute before getting up and heading for the door way. "There, I'm leaving. You happy? "

"Yep." she said with a wicked smile before she called for someone to come clean up Gabriel's office.

Gabriel contemplated flipping her off, but he didn't want to die that day. Not when he apparently had an apology to make.


	9. Chapter 9

Gabriel went first to the florists and got a giant bouquet of sunflowers for Johanna, and then went to Samandriel’s apartment. He sat in his car in front of the apartment building for an hour before getting out of the car and climbing up the steps and knocking on the door.

Alfie answered the door and glared. "I thought I made it clear that you were to stay away."

"Alfie," Samandriel said quietly, coming forward. He pushed his brother gently out of the way and took the flowers from Gabriel’s hand. He wasn’t exactly looking at Gabriel but it gave Gabriel a good chance to look at Samandriel. Gabriel felt sick to realize how sick Samandriel actually looked. "Go put these in water."

Alfie didn't look happy, but he did as he was told. Samandriel stepped out of the apartment and shut the door.

"Why are you here?" Samandriel asked. His voice sounded much deader that Gabriel ever wanted to hear anyone sound, let alone the guy he was still head over heels for. 

Gabriel wished Sam hadn't taken the flowers away from him. He needed something to do with his hands now and putting them in his pockets didn't seem right. So they hung loose and useless at his sides

"I'm sorry. I didn't tell you Cas is my brother, because we're not like you and yours. We were raised that family was only important because a strong family meant a united army when you fought against your enemies- not because they were meant to be there for you. I left the “Milton’s Military Compound” when I was twenty and I college. I realized there was a lot more to life and that I didn’t want to be tied down by anyone. So, I changed my name, stole a social security number- I only found Cas because I literally ran into him on the street." Gabriel realized he was getting off track and took a breath in and out.

"I'm sorry I let Michael get to me. I shouldn't have listened, I should have thrown him out. I shouldn't have struck out at you while I was hurting. I shouldn't have let my fears over my inadequacies rule my brain. I should have set the record straight instead hurting you. Incidentally I am also sorry for telling Alfie about Cas two hours ago, in my defense he is really aggravating.... I am so sorry I hurt you "

A silence passed between them for a good long minute. Samandriel met his eyes at least, which Gabriel would take as a very good sign. And Samandriel seemed like he was thinking about his words, which Gabriel hoped would mean that they wouldn’t get into a screaming row again. 

"Thank you for apologizing,” Samandriel started carefully. “And I apologize for lashing out too. I realized later that you weren't actually dating me to get back at me for something." He spoke calmly, but there was no warmth in his voice.

"And I forgive you... but I don't want to see you again. Because you don't trust me. I don't believe that if Michael said something or one of your other brothers... or Castiel... I don't believe you'd believe me. Because when I told you the truth you told me that I was wrong for not fessing up to something I hadn't done."

Samandriel let out a heavy sigh. "You knew my biggest fears and used them against me. And I know because you can't trust me that something will happen again, and you'll do the same thing... I've never in my life felt like a whore until you called me one. So it's not healthy for me to be around you."

Gabriel nodded. It was the only thing he could do. He deserved this. He was a terrible bastard of a man, and this was his punishment.

"I hope..." He choked on the words and felt a tear run down his cheek. He couldn't even muster up the will to be embarrassed. He looked down and didn’t see Samandriel reach up almost to touch him and then drop his hand. Gabriel nodded again, and spoke quick and low. 

"Goodbye, Sam." Gabriel turned tail and practically ran down the stairs and out to his car. He had tears streaming down his face. He didn't drive at first, just sat there with his head bent over the steering wheel, sobbing. 

It was so pathetic. He told himself that he was better than this. But while he’d been a mess when they’d broken up the first time… He didn’t know, he just thought maybe there was a chance. But Samandriel had every right to say no to him and to turn him down. Who wanted to date someone who couldn’t trust him? Gabriel thought he could, but then he’d thought he’d trusted Samandriel the last time. 

Gabriel drew in a big, heaving breath and let it out. He forced his tears back and wiped his face. He really couldn’t be crying in a parking lot where anyone could see. He had to go home. When he finally stopped his tears, he started the car and drove home, feeling numb and tired.

* * *

Samandriel stood at the door for a moment before he slowly closed it. He felt an aching deep weight in his chest. Awful. That was the word. He felt awful for ending it. But he didn't feel safe with Gabriel anymore. He had to hold onto that. He couldn’t let people he didn’t trust around his baby. He couldn’t let Johanna see that it was okay to stay with someone who hurt you like that. 

He wanted to go back a few days and let none of it have happened at all.

“Sammy?” Alfie asked. 

“Yeah, I’m coming,” Samandriel said, pushing away from the door. There were still things to pack. 

“Are you okay?” Alfie asked. He looked really worried. 

Samandriel smiled sadly. He reached up and tugged on Alfie’s ear. “I’m really not.” 

“Yeah, that’s okay,” Alfie said, slinging his arms around Samandriel and pulling him into a tight hug. 

“I just really liked him,” Samandriel said quietly.

“I know,” Alfie said. They’d done this a million times, though normally it was Alfie who needed to be held and comforted when his love life fell to hell. “It’ll be better once you’re all moved in.” 

“Yeah,” Samandriel said. He pulled away from his brother and went back to packing. Alfie was so insistent that they move out of the apartment; and honestly, Samandriel was just too damn tired to care anymore.


	10. Chapter 10

Samandriel moved in with James and Alfie. And it was fine. He liked it a little. It was close enough that Joey’s school that he could still take her there for the rest of the school year. And once the new school year started she’d be in a better school district, which Samandriel found encouraging. It was also easier to save up money when it wasn’t all going to food and rent. Some of it was, of course, but not near as much and Samandriel didn’t worry about the pipes breaking, or someone breaking in and stealing something. 

It was safer. That was the best part about it. It was safer. Yeah, it was humiliating to have to live with his brother and his brother’s fiancé. Yeah, it was embarrassing to be waiting tables when his brothers were a lot further along in their careers. But it was better. 

And not. Samandriel tried dating. 

He took a few guys out, once or twice. He hadn’t realized how much he disliked dating until he was faced with the reality of it. Alfie and James didn’t mind babysitting, and Samandriel was a little freer to try. But he hated dating. He hated having to try to get to know people. He hated the expectations of the first, second and third date (which was probably why he rarely allowed a third date). And mostly, he was still pretty hung up on another guy.

And yeah, Alfie was so unhappy that Samandriel still liked Gabriel, but so what? It was Gabriel’s choice, right? He got to be the one to decide. And if he started again and it didn’t work out then he’d know for sure that it was just a terrible choice to begin with. 

But Gabriel had backed off when he’d asked, and Gabriel had never made him feel like he owed Gabriel anything, even money back from Joey’s hospital bills. And Gabriel had always been great with her. That meant a lot of to Samandriel. And he did miss him. 

Three months after the break up, Samandriel finally made a choice. He called Gabriel one evening and left a message. "Hey Gabriel. It's Samandriel... listen... I've been thinking about things the past few months and I think I'd like to… start over. I really wish you'd picked up so I could talk to you. I was in a terrible place a few months ago... and I don't know. I'd just like to see you. Um, coffee, maybe? Please call me back."

* * *

Gabriel hadn't been quite the same since he apologized. He acted the same, was still wisecracking, smart ass layabout he had always been, except the smiles never reached his eyes. 

Even Castiel noticed, and mostly Castiel was too busy being super extra happy that he and Dean were looking for a house to even think about anyone else. Gabriel finally told him that he had a guy he liked that he’d lost because Gabriel was an extreme fuck up. 

Thankfully Cas was distracted, so he only acted sympathetic, instead of wondering why Gabriel was suddenly completely hung up on someone when he normally bounced back from failed relationships like nothing had ever been wrong.

Business went fine. Gabriel had a hard time not smiling whenever he saw Samandriel’s Hilda mural. Stupid kid went and left some of himself behind, right up where anyone could see. Gabriel tried not to go look at it too often. It made his chest feel tight and he didn’t need to be one of those guys who spent months crying themselves to sleep over failed relationships.

He didn't pick up the phone when Samandriel called, instead he dismissed the call and poured a drink. He didn’t even check who it was. He just knew he wasn’t in the mood for whoever it was. He only checked it at all because if he didn’t the voicemail notification would beep every minute until he did pick it up. After the third notification beep he picked up the phone. He stared at it when he saw who the missed call was from. After a minute he poured another drink, then listened.

He finished his second tumbler and called back before he thought too hard about it.

"I'm free Wednesday night at six," Gabriel said the second the line picked up

"I can do that." Samandriel said. He was a little taken aback to hear Gabriel again like that. "I'm glad you called back. I thought maybe... you wouldn't want... to... but you called back." He smiled a little.

Gabriel closed his eyes. He had missed him so much and hearing his voice real time wasn't helping. "Yeah. I called back.” He rolled the glass around on its edge. He tried to look at that and focus on the shape of his glass.

"I'm sorry... I really... I needed the time. When I thought about it, I still wanted you in my life. I missed you. And things I was certain of... I'm not so certain... this might be a terrible idea, but I miss you."

Gabriel rubbed his hand across his face, not quite believing what he was hearing. "I missed you too." That felt like the most important thing to say first. And god, he didn’t even want to think about how much he’d missed Samandriel. "I can get you needed time. I really do. I just wish it hadn't been necessary. I'm sorry."

"We'll figure it out... so, six on Wednesday. I'll be there early. The coffee shop near the club?" Samandriel smiled a little more. "I'm happy to hear you again."

"Yeah. That's good. I'm glad you called Kiddo." Gabriel smiled a bit and turned the crystal around more. "I'll see you Wednesday?"

"Alright, see you then... by Gabriel." Samandriel hung up, grinning like a fool. 

Gabriel sighed and wondered exactly what the hell he was doing. He wondered all the way up until he saw Sam sitting in the shop, looking beautiful and nervous, and then he relaxed, just a little. 

 

Samandriel had gone happily about his days until Wednesday. He dressed in a nice button up and jeans and went to be 15 minutes early for his meeting with Gabriel. He’d already found them a booth by the time Gabriel arrived.

And then Gabriel arrived and he walked up to Samandriel with a smile on his face and slid into the seat across from him.

"Hey," Gabriel said

Samandriel smiled brightly and relaxed. Try as he might not to be nervous, in the fifteen minutes he’d waited for Gabriel, Samandriel had still managed to convince himself that maybe Gabriel wouldn't come. Seeing him made all those nerves go away. "You made it. I'm glad."

"Me too." Gabriel hesitated, internally wincing. "You look good."

"Thank you... you look a little sick." Samandriel said. He reached out and touched Gabriel's hand. "How have you been?"

Gabriel looked at Samandriel's hand and gently touched the tips of his fingers to Sam’s. He was half afraid he was going to disappear once he touched him

"I've been... I really missed you," Gabriel said, proud of himself that his voice didn’t crack or something terribly embarrassing like that. 

"I missed you too... I was hurt. I was really hurt... but I don't think that you can't trust me... I think I just need to give you better reason to trust me," Samandriel said, going slow and being careful with his words.

"I think I’m an insecure, self-sabotaging idiot who got blindsided by the double whammy of being found by my brother and the accusation that you didn't love me." Gabriel smiled bitterly. "I may have thought about it from time to time. It’s not your fault I didn't trust you completely. You gave me no reason not to. I'm just stupid."

"I gave you every reason to. You know my history. It's been years... but it's still something I did, and you know that I would do it again because I told you so... but you were needlessly cruel about it." Samandriel had thought for a long time about what he would say.

"I was. I was hurting and I was trying to get in my own jab for you accusing me of punishment via relationship. We both said stupid hurtful things. Mostly because we didn't really trust each other."

"No... we didn't, did we?" Samandriel looked down. He couldn't forget Gabriel's words. They'd chased him for months, even after Gabriel apologized. "Did you really think of me like that? Like a whore?"Hhis voice trembled a bit on the last word.

"No." Gabriel took Samandriel's hand properly and looked him in the face. "Even when I knew you only as Cas' ... whatever, I didn't think you were a whore."

Samandriel looked away. That had eaten at him for a long time, and part of him just wanted to let it go but... "Not even when you said it? Not even when you left me? Not even for a minute?... just, please be honest with me."

"I thought a lot of things about you, but none of them was that you were a whore. I knew it would hurt. That's the only reason why I said it."

"Okay." Samandriel said, finally able to let that go. He relaxed and squeezed Gabriel's hand. "I'm sorry about what I accused you of. I was... I thought I deserved that, and that I didn't deserve you. I was looking for any logic... and that made sense to me, more than that you actually just liked me."

"Looks like we've got the same issues." Gabriel said softly. "I'm sorry I didn't believe you when you told me the truth. I'm sorry it took so long for me to apologize. I knew the whole time I was wrong, it was just easier to think I was justified."

"But you did apologize. I didn't believe you would, but you showed up and did... I... am and am not sorry I send you away. I'm sorry I hurt you, anyway." Samandriel said quietly. "Alfie thinks I'm crazy for being here but... I really do want to try again."

"I'm sorry I hurt you too. I want you and Jo back in my life so badly... you're the best thing that happened to me. Ever."

Samandriel blushed a little. "Um... about that... I'm not willing for you to see Johanna yet. It's just... I'm not certain this can work and I need this to go slow. And I don't want to get her hopes up if this all goes to hell again... I just need some time for just you and me, alright?"

'”Yeah. I can wait. I just wanted to be honest with you." It hurt, but nothing he couldn't handle. "How is she?"

"She's doing well. I have a job in a bar now, so I work nights. I basically put her to bed and then head to work, get home and crash for a few hours and wake up in time to get her to school before I crash when I get back. Then I'm awake when she gets home, so she's getting more of my time. And James's house is so that she gets her own room and I can still have room to lock up my paint supplies."

"You're living with Alfie and James then?"

"Yeah. James owns a four bedroom house... it was just the easiest thing to move in with them." Samandriel said. "And the walls are thick enough and Joey far enough away that she can't hear when they're having sex, and I can only hear sometimes."

Gabriel snorted. "So they don’t scar the kid for life, huh?" He gave Sam his first real smile in months, then looked at their hands. "I'm glad you guys are doing well."

"It's okay anyway. It's sort of embarrassing to be living with my brother and his fiancé... but it's easier too. I know that Joey is safe, and that makes thing a lot easier."

"Painted anything lately? The clients really like Hilda you painted downstairs"

"Yeah... well, I'm glad they liked it. It's a shame I couldn't do the other, it would have looked really good." Samandriel said. He'd drawn Gabriel a lot. It didn't make him feel better, but he had a hard time stopping

"I'd still like you to do it. Not now, but someday, maybe."

"Maybe..." Samandriel said. He felt bad about turning down work, but he couldn't be that near Gabriel yet. Maybe someday.

"Yeah... I got a dog. Well, Kali got me a dog. He's a Jack Russel Terrier. He came with the name Chewie, and since he already knew it, didn't see the point in changing it."

"That's adorable." Samandriel said with a big grin. He lightly knocked his feet against Gabriel's and then whistled innocently.

Gabriel smiled and returned the favor knocking his own feet into Samandriel's. "You're shit at the innocent routine, you know."

"I never said I was good at it." He got up and walked over so he could sit next to Gabriel instead of across from him.

"And yet still you try." Gabriel watched him move to sit beside him, he automatically scooted over a bit, giving Sam more elbow room on his side of the table.

Samandriel moved closer until they were pressed together. "Is this okay with you?"

Gabriel slowly nodded, the wrapped his arm over Samandriel's shoulder. "This okay with you?"

“I think it’s just about perfect,” Samandriel told him.

Gabriel relaxed a little in his chair and squeezed him a little tighter. "So where do we go from here? Super slow coffee dates and chaste kisses?"

"Yeah... I think that might be appropriate." Samandriel said with a little smile. "Would you like that?"

"I like anything that gets you back in my life, honestly. If this is the way to do it that mans I can keep you, I am all for it.

"Then let's do this for a while and see where it takes us, okay?" Samandriel asked, resting his cheek onto Gabriel's shoulder

"Alright." Gabriel dropped his head on Samandriel's and breathed him in, enjoying the heavy warmth of him on his side.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Hold On" by Kansas. 
> 
> Thanks to TamrynEradani for writing "Carry On", and for being cool with us doing our little off shoot.


End file.
